My Catty Oscars Review

Kim Novak is in there somewhere.

Not to be too nitpicky, but last night's Oscars awards show was a train wreck. There were so many cringe-inducing moments I lost count. One that stood out was when the host, lesbian comic Ellen De Generes dressed like a man as usual, introduced the still-alive Liza Minelli as a drag queen, saying, "Good job, sir." I was slightly confused by the ensuing laughter, as I had thought it really was someone impersonating Minelli. (These days, guessing someone's gender is confusing.)

Another sour moment was during Cate Blanchett's acceptance speech for Best Actress, in which she showed us all that it's never a good idea to use big words when you don't know their meaning. Rushing up to accept her award from the presenter, actor Daniel Day-Lewis, she gushed, "Thank you, Mr. Day-Lewis, from you it exacerbates this honor-- and it blows it right out of the ballpark." I sure hope she doesn't know that the definition of exacerbate is "to make a problem, bad situation, or negative feeling worse," like what Bette Midler's plastic surgery did to her face.

Still, Botox Bette and her cheek implants looked downright young and natural compared to ex-ex-ex film star Kim Novak, now in her 80s, who was inexplicably dragged out of storage for the event. Kim was wearing a totally plastic face. I'm guessing her old one fell apart so she just had a new one sewn on, but it didn't really fit.

Oh well. At least "12 Years a Slave" won for Best Picture, so we don't have to listen to Al Sharpton, Spike Lee and Jesse Jackson rant about racism in Hollywood today. That's a relief.