Wanted

I read the following ad on Craigslist a little too close to dinner time and now I've spoiled my appetite: "I am an up and coming TV Host & Personality seeking interns to support & grow my social media, branding & blogging objectives. I am seeking someone who is fun, creative & fashionable." Oh well, they say that beef stew tastes better the second day.

Anyway, the preceding desperate cry for help was listed under "Writing Jobs" in New York City, making me think maybe it's not so bad living in Maine after all. Just thinking of all those gigantic egos jostling for position in one place gives me the willies. Imagine thinking of yourself as an "up and coming TV host and Personality," but not knowing that "up-and-coming" needs hyphens and "personality" should not be capitalized.

The perfect applicant.

Meanwhile, it's all I can do to keep up with the laundry and litter boxes. Perhaps I should advertise for an intern to help. My ad might read: "Future Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist seeks intern to support and grow my media, publishing and financial objectives, while allowing me to finish another damn chapter. I am seeking someone who is intelligent, loves cat shit and is not above taking out the garbage, doing the laundry, taking stuff to the dry cleaners, shopping for groceries, cleaning the toilets, paying bills, shoveling snow when necessary, painting the occasional room, laying a wood floor and attending to all postal needs. You should be proficient in Twitter, and all the other ones they use these days. Only serious candidates need apply. Compensation will be in the form of experience, a byline, the pleasure of helping someone else, a letter of recommendation and use of the facilities."