Laugh Before You Get Here

I finally figured out the problem with Maine: Despite its awesome beauty and majestic woods and rocky cliffs and 24-hour access to duck boots, it's just not funny, which is a bummer since laughter is definitely one of the best things we humans have going for us. That, and our thumbs. But here in Maine, the natives simply do not have a sense of humor, unless you think saying "lobstah" instead of "lobster" is a laugh riot, because if you do then you'll love it here since they say that all the time. It's funnier in summer when vacationers from away come for a whiff of pine, so from June to September you can count on a laugh or a smile from someone. Otherwise forget about it, and don't even think about laughing up here in winter--it's just not done.

It's no surprise that there is only one comedian in the whole state and he is also not funny, despite being a big hit with the locals. His name is Bob Marley and you can check him out on YouTube and see that I am telling the truth: not funny. It's possible his jokes are only understood by Mainers, which would explain his popularity.

Unfortunately, being funny myself, almost 100% of my material is wasted on a daily basis, especially when my husband is out of town. I have lived in places where my humor was appreciated, starting in Manhattan where the street vendors do stand-up and the beggars spew one-liners. For a while I lived in Baltimore, and Baltimorons, or whatever they are called, are pretty funny too. And years ago I lived in Salt Lake City; believe it or not, Mormons are much funnier than Mainers. (Read "The Book of Mormon" if you don't believe me.) As for my second home town, Washington, D.C.---oh please, that whole place is a joke! Everyone is a comedian there, and not just on Capitol Hill.

Fortunately I have funny friends: Sue is a scream but she lives in Pittsburgh. Patsy is quite funny but I see her for like a day a year, so that's not much relief. Gabby lives here now, but she's from New York originally and she's hysterical. Deb isn't funny herself but at least she can tell when something is. And even my neighbor Dagmar, from frickin' Germany, is way funnier than any Mainer, and that's saying something. Anyway, it's pretty weird.