Fashionistas

It's Fashion Week in New York City, so take a moment out of your busy day to thank all those tireless designers who spend hours and hours deciding what women with expendable income should wear. If not for them, all those trust fund babies so often maligned by ranting liberals would be forced to wear last year's outfits. And lest you think it's not important how the rich and famous cover themselves, here's what top designer Tommy Hilfiger has to say about how his work contributes to solving global problems: "We live in a world where we have no control over natural disasters," referring to Hurricane Irene. "We have an unstable economy, unfortunately, and we just all have to keep moving ahead." To that end, his new collection is "bright and spirited, influenced by 1960s pop art." (That ought to stave off the next hurricane.)

And that's not all. Some of the other new trends that will benefit everyone when they trickle down to the racks at K-Mart, Target, Macy's, Gap, T. J. Maxx and Kohl's include:
1. Skirts will be fuller. This does not impact me directly as I do not own a skirt and have not since before my son was born, but I'm glad to hear it. Maybe now all those women with misshapen thighs will look better, making the world breathe a collective sigh of relief.
2. Clothes will be more chaste. Longer hemlines, higher necklines and less skin showing overall will likely have an impact on the number of unwanted pregnancies, rapes and abductions, and thus lower our abortion rate.
3. Colors will be more saturated. I have no idea what that means but apparently it's good. One bold designer even plans to use colors that are supersaturated.
4. Clothing will be about hope. Designer Diane von Furstenberg's own hopeful collection was inspired by "modern Africa, not Colonial Africa." It uses "airy colors."
5. Dressy shorts will continue to be a category all their own. Thank God, I was worried.

So as you can see, designers are not just all about fleecing the rich: They have brains, and even hearts. In fact, some of them whose fashion shows are scheduled for the dreaded anniversary of 9/11 are going to make a contribution to the Families of September 11. They even said so on their invitations, just so everyone would know how charitable they are.