Fat Sells

Nuttiness abounds, and in our society at least, it seems to be rewarded. Later today, Dr. Mehmet Oz, that impish but evil medicine man spawned by Oprah Winfrey who we all confuse with Dr. Sanjay Gupta--even though their names are completely different they're exactly alike--will exploit "The Fattest Woman Alive" in front of millions of his viewers. Apparently the lady now weighs 700 pounds but is aiming for 1,000 to get into the record books. (Who buys those books?)

Not surprisingly, the woman loves to eat and enjoys being fat. No stranger to the mixed metaphor, she says on her website: "There is a bit of rebellion to being my size. I mean after all aren't we taught that you aren't supposed to be fat? I love marching to my own beat and thinking outside of the box." As for Dr. Oz, he certainly knows a cash cow when he sees one: Last season he had another 700-pound woman on his show that he tried to "help" through a televised "intervention." After his ratings spiked through the roof, he had her back on his show again, and again. As everyone knows, fat sells. (Not to be confused with fat cells, see photo.)

As for the current Miss Fatty, who consumes 20,000 to 30,000 calories a day in her quest to reach her goal before the Grim Reaper gets her, I'm betting those network bigwigs are putting out quite a spread for her appearance. Lunch might include ten rotisserie chickens, two dozen cheeseburgers, six Kosher all-beef hot dogs from Katz's delicatessen, five large mushroom, anchovy and black olive pizzas, eight gallons of Edy's Apple Pie ice cream, four boxes of Entenmann's chocolate chip cookies--the soft kind--a couple of Drake's Coffee Cakes, a large box of Mike & Ike's (original flavor) and a Starbucks grande latte, extra hot.

At least that's what I'd want if I were going for the gold--and out of my mind.