The Silver Lining

This afternoon I drove by Whole Foods, which I don't do all that often, and decided to stop in for some fruit. Being clueless and Jewish, two usually independent conditions that merge into one at this time of year, I had forgotten that Christmas is soon, like tomorrow or the next day, and by the time I noticed that things were awry I was already in a double line of cars snaking into the parking lot and couldn't turn around if I tried. I was stuck. Hoping to get out in a hurry since after all I just needed a few things and could use the express line, I waited half a lifetime and finally got a parking space, although the Taurus coming down the row towards me still thinks it was hers. Sorry, but I got there first, and anyway she got one soon enough, I could see. Despite that, I felt dirty somehow.

Entering the store was like crossing the River Styx. Some of the people were barely moving at all. (You know there's something wrong when even the fruit and vegetable aisles are at a standstill.) It was maddening, and all I wanted was a couple of grapefruits and some blueberries, which by the way were mushy which they sometimes can be and so instead I got strawberries, but nonetheless, I wanted to find the manager and explain, "Look, I shouldn't be here, I am not even a Christian! Don't you have a line for Jews?" Then I saw some lady buying bags of potatoes and muttering "latkes" under her breath, remembered it was Hannukah too and kissed my religious pardon goodbye.

The checkout lines looked like Black Friday at Walmart. By then I was plotzing (Yiddish for busting a gut) and felt a conniption fit in the offing, when a woman on the next line clapped her hands together, all but jumped up and down and happily cried to her young daughter, "Look at this! Isn't it exciting?" The grumpy adolescent daughter, rolling her eyes of course, asked "what's so damn exciting about it?" She replied: "People are out spending money! It's good for the economy! It's America in action! It's what makes this country great!"

I envied the woman's optimism and cheerful demeanor, which should come in handy over the next few years with that daughter.