Putin's Perfect Timing

Lately Russia's maniacal leader Vladimir Putin is threatening to blow up the world with nuclear weapons. At least that's one way to look at his increasing threats of deploying a little one here and there just to keep certain countries, like the U.S and Ukraine, in line. While the thought of it is dire, you can't fault him on his timing: the human race is getting dumber every day, and now's as good a time as any to end it.

Reasons to Drop the Bomb

1. Signs of advancing stupidity are everywhere you look. One shining example is here in America, where a woman named Kim Kardashian is perhaps our hugest celebrity who dominates the news daily. She has no skills or talents. The daughter of a rich family that starred in its own reality TV show, all Kim does is have plastic surgery on different body parts, change her hair color monthly, get married and divorced to other celebrities, throw huge parties and sue or get sued for millions of dollars. Her net worth is estimated at $1.8 billion and she has 330.5 million followers on Instagram, where she is an "influencer."

2.  More and more young parents, those zany millennials and Gen Z-ers, are raising their kids without gender. How do they accomplish this fantastic, novel, ultra-modern thing? They don't tell the kid its gender, and don't tell anyone else either. They dress boys in pink and girls in blue! They let their daughters play with trucks and their sons take up ballet! They give them genderless names, like Alex and Avery! They never call them "he" or "she" to others! Not quite sure what they tell the girls when they start menstruating, or when the boys get an erection, but maybe by puberty they will have amped up those puberty blockers that are becoming so popular.

3. Today's woke singles are eschewing traditional family roles, instead engaging in sex with anyone and everyone rather than committing to one partner. The old-fashioned term "sleeping around" is now referred to as being  polyamorous, making the behavior an almost clinical condition.

4. Race is everything, the exact opposite of what the once-revered Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. famously said. The content of one's character matters not a whit anymore; skin tone and ethnicity determine one's fate. Yesterday our light-beige VP, Kamala Harris, declared that government relief for Hurricane Ian would be allocated based on "equity," going on to elaborate that "brown and black people in poor neighborhoods" would be given top priority. (I guess all those lousy white people down in Florida can just starve or drown.)

5. According to IBIS World analysts in 2020, the $1.4 billion tattoo industry was slated to increase its market size by 23.2% in 2021—a faster growth rate than that of the consumer goods and services sector as a whole. It has far exceeded that expectation in 2022, with just about every young person, and lots of grannies too, rushing out to get inked. More and more people are spending their limited funds on decorating their own bodies instead of donating to charities or supporting local Mom and Pop businesses, which are forced to close down every day.

So bring it on, Vladimir. Maybe a million years from now the next bunch will do better.