Dr. No Idea

I have recently been diagnosed with something called Irritable Bowel Syndrome (with Constipation if you must know), commonly referred to as IBS-C. This is actually a good thing since I was missing something starting with an "I" in my alphabetical list of ailments. Anyway, in my quest to deal with this terrible, painful, annoying and almost debilitating disease, I have invested much time reading articles about it online and have purchased two books on the subject. My research has yielded the following information. 

People with IBS should:

Never eat cheese of any kind OR have some cheeses, including brie, camembert, mozzarella and parmesan, at will.

Never consume raw vegetables of any kind including greens OR have a salad of uncooked lettuce and raw cucumbers for a tasty lunch.

Eat as much white rice as they want OR never have any white rice (but brown is okay).

Never have egg yolks, just the whites OR eggs are fine, yolks and all.

Never have coffee or any caffeine OR limit it to no more than three cups a day.

Eat no dairy whatsoever OR eat plenty of plain Greek yogurt to support gut health.

Never consume or cook with butter OR eat butter anytime and in any quantities.

Stay away from apples completely OR eat only applesauce.

Don't eat oatmeal or oats in any form OR enjoy oatmeal for breakfast every day!

These inconsistencies coming directly from the dietitians and nutritionists as well as doctors have made me actually Irritable All Over. So now I guess I have IBS-C-IAO.