Let's All Hate Elon Musk

He's young! He's handsome! He's rich! He's a genius! And he's not fat! Hey, he's got all the makings of someone the world loves to hate. Because most ordinary people are not handsome, or rich or smart, and most of them are fat. So naturally they hate someone who embodies all they wish they could be. (Damn human nature!)

It's interesting to see how the media, which is another way of saying the Democrats or the liberals, continue to pile mud onto Musk. They started long before he finalized his plans to purchase Twitter, and now that it's a done deal the stories of his traitorous, treacherous behavior are rampant on the Internet. In April, Vanity Fair magazine, the vapid Bible of fashionable and trendy lefties, printed the following headline in huge, red block letters: 

"A REMINDER OF JUST SOME OF THE TERRIBLE THINGS ELON MUSK HAS SAID AND DONE."

So why all the hate? 

In 2022, Musk said that he could "no longer support" the Democrats because they are the "party of division & hate" and leaned towards supporting Ron DeSantis if he is a candidate in the 2024 election. That's all it takes to be branded a "January 6-loving, racist, white-supremacist insurrectionist" these days. 

So watch your mouth, because free speech is definitely not okay.

Film Review: NOTORIOUS

That nightly cup of coffee isn't doing Alicia any good!

A 1946 classic from director Alfred Hitchcock, Notorious is so much more suspenseful than No Country for Old Men which I had seen the night before. And thankfully there was no in-your-face violence, although plenty of violence was implied and took place off-screen (like the offing of a Fredo-like simpleton who made a mistake in The Godfather.)  

In sharp contrast to today's wild and often wacky action films notable for blinding color and ear-piercing sound effects, Notorious tells a small, quiet story, shot in black and white, about U. S. government agent T. R. Devlin (Cary Grant), who implores Alicia Huberman (Ingrid Bergman), the beautiful daughter of a convicted German war criminal, to help uncover a group of treasonous Nazis planning something "very big" against America. She agrees, in part because she is immediately smitten with the agent. And so the spy story and the love story intertwine. 

Hitchcock's directorial magic keeps you guessing throughout. You never know who to trust and so mistrust everyone. One minute Devlin seems sweet and loving, the next he appears dark and sinister. As part of her job, Alicia is instructed to win the affections of Alexander Sebastian (Claude Raines), a wealthy Nazi hiding out in Brazil and one of the masterminds of the plot against America. She does this easily, and eventually marries him. But when he suspects her true motives, things turn deadly. 

Film Review: NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

Javier Bardem is not fooling around.

The winner of the Oscar for Best Picture in 2007, this mess of a movie is now my "Worst Film I Have Ever Quit in the Middle Of." Yes, I know that's bad grammar, but really, my grammar is better than this movie. Directed by the esteemed Coen Brothers, who get away with murder (pun intended) more than any  other directors, it is definitely not for the faint of heart, or the intelligent or even the dim-witted.

Having refused to see it at the time of its release because I heard it was very violent, I finally gave in to my husband who wasn't afraid. And so we paid the lousy four bucks on Apple TV and, in the comfort of our own home, sat back to see what all the fuss was about, especially since my favorite film critic, the now deceased Roger Ebert, called it at the time "a miracle."

Javier Bardem, who won the Best Supporting Actor award for this role, plays a hideous psychopathic assassin who kills anyone who crosses his path. (I lost count early on.) He usually shoots them with a stun gun used for killing animals, which makes a big hole in their forehead. Josh Brolin plays a loser who is out hunting and stumbles upon a bunch of dead guys in the desert, along with a ton of drugs in a truck and a briefcase full of money. He takes the briefcase (who wouldn't) and goes home to his hovel where he lives with his wife. Fine, they are rich now! But no, he returns to the scene of the crime later that night, for a "dumb reason" -- his words, not mine-- and that's it for him.

The psycho wants the money and tracks down the dummy, eventually killing him. The end. Oh, there is also a sheriff played by Tommy Lee Jones, who adds very little to the story but shows up every so often to philosophize. He decides to retire because of all the violence he has seen, like all those dead people in the desert. He's simply too old for it now. Hence the film's title.

I hated every second of this film, even Tommy Lee who I love. The cinematography is nice. I hope I can sleep tonight.

What's Worse, Ablest or Racist?

I may get a set of these for my dining room table.

I was reading the paper this morning about the recent debate between John Fetterman and Dr. Mehmet Oz,  the candidates running for senator in Pennsylvania, and I learned that the only people who thought Fetterman did poorly were those guilty of "ableism."  At its heart, ableism is rooted in the assumption that disabled people require fixing.

This was news to me, and I hurried to find out more about it since I fall in that category of folks who thought Fetterman appeared unfit to carry out the duties of a senator. He might get better someday, or "fixed," but certainly not soon enough. It's been five months since his stroke and he still can't really speak in complete sentences or respond sensibly to much that is asked of him.

But that's my ablest thinking talking! I should not have those thoughts, instead I should think he is superior to most people for having survived a stroke at all, and even put on a suit and get on the stage and stand up behind the lectern, just like normal people. Oops, there I go again, saying he isn't normal. Well hey, not everyone has a stroke, so it is sort of out of the norm, wouldn't you agree?

According to those laughably ridiculous liberals on MSNBC who have nothing better to do than dream up new things that are wrong with America, critics of the Fetterman debate performance were engaging in "ablest" thinking, which is akin to being a racist. To be safe from such criticism, the following phrases are to be avoided:

• “That’s so lame.”
• “That guy is crazy.”
• “It’s like the blind leading the blind.”
• “My ideas fell on deaf ears.”
• “She’s such a psycho.”
• “I don’t even think of you as disabled.”
• 
  

Truth in Political Debates Was a No-Show

Last night my husband and I tuned in for the opening salvoes of the debate between the two aspiring Pennsylvania senators, John Fetterman (D) and Mehmet Oz (R). It was so embarrassing I could barely watch, and after the very first question we had seen enough and switched to another debate, this one between Ron DeSantis (R) and Charlie Crist (D) campaigning to be Florida's next governor. (DeSantis is running for a second term.)

In both debates, with the exception of Ron DeSantis, none of the participants answered any question put to them by the debate moderator. (In the Florida debate it was a local TV news Barbie doll with the longest false eyelashes I have ever seen. But I digress.) Sadly, the current and wannabe leaders of both political parties are sorely lacking in the sterling qualities we once demanded of them, honesty being the linchpin.

As for Fetterman, bless his heart, he suffered a stroke recently and while he claims he is "fine" and fit to serve, last night he seemed nothing short of pathetic. Looking like a deer in the headlights he rambled on nonsensically, spoke haltingly and left many of his sentences, which were off-topic anyway, unfinished. He also required a projected captioning system to keep up with the posed questions and the answers of his opponent. I wonder, will they provide that service for him in the senate chamber? Should he win, Not My Senator! bumper stickers will be rampant in PA.

His opponent, well-known as Dr. Oz from the Oprah Winfrey show and other TV appearances, was smooth as silk -- not surprising considering he has spent most of his career in front of a camera. But he has no political experience, is instead some sort of doctor, and dodged the first and key question put to both men: "What qualifies you to be a senator?" Oz never went there, instead spewing platitudes on the great things he will do for the citizens of Pennsylvania. (More Not My Senator! bumper stickers, please.)

Meanwhile, over at the Crist/DeSantis throw down things were tense from the get-go. Crist, a seemingly first-generation descendant of Satan, turned every question into an opportunity to insult DeSantis. He never once answered anything without immediately pointing to his rival and railing about what a bad man he is, as if there had been no question asked of him at all. (Definitely "Not My Governor!" bumper sticker material.)

As for DeSantis, he did well as far as answering questions and staying on topic, except for one: Will he serve out a full term or is he planning to run for president? On this he remained mum, despite the fact that Crist asked it of him every chance he got, meaning every time his opened his mouth. Still, DeSantis at least had many facts at his fingertips and rattled off the considerable good he has done while in office at lightning speed. He's right -- many people are moving to Florida, and for all good reasons.

The whole thing was sickening and before we were overcome with nausea we gratefully switched to old episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm, where at least all the people being mean to one another are actors paid to do so, and plus they're funny.

Leslie Jordan's Bad Habit: Now You Know

One good thing about my life is that I do not know the actress Mayim Bialik personally. I hardly know who she is professionally, but I believe she acts in a TV sitcom that is currently quite popular, and has been in some others in the past. Anyway, she wrote a rather long entry on Instagram about the comedic actor Leslie Jordan who died yesterday in a car accident.

Mayim starts off with: "There aren't words to convey the loss we are experiencing as a cast," and then goes on to use many, many words to convey the loss they are experiencing. How odd. But odder still is the following accolade she attributes to him: "It is inconceivable to imagine a world without our Leslie, the man who would spit on his contact lenses before putting them in his eyes."

Certainly Mr. Jordan would not want to be remembered for such a disgusting and downright dangerous habit, nor should anyone find it endearing. Lest any of his young fans think it is something to emulate, they should know that eye care specialists warn against doing just that, since saliva carries a lot of oral bacteria which, when transferred to the eye, can cause infection and even blindness. "Licking contact lenses is pretty terrible,” said Jennifer Fogt, O.D., fellow of the American Academy of Optometry and an associate professor in the College of Optometry at The Ohio State University. 

Anyway, Mayim will not be writing my obituary, thank goodness. I hope whoever does write it won't broadcast to the world my worst personal habits. Actually, I hope nobody even knows what they are.

Good Things About America

Maybe I'm too hard on America. After all, it used to be a great place to live. It's just that lately it isn't. Not if you're white, anyway, and certainly not if you're old. Then it's a nightmare, since whiteness and advanced age are just about the only two qualities that can still be mocked by anyone and everyone, and often are.

And of course the Civil War between the Democrats and the Republicans is getting worse, with families and friendships torn asunder. Not that I ever liked my husband's relatives, but they are a sinister bunch, constantly deriding my husband online, for the world to see, because of his differing political views. And they're so misguided (not to mention fat), it's hard to really give their lame arguments much credence.

But today I want to write about all the good things in America. And here they are:

1. I love those eggs bites at Starbucks. They are so yummy and low in calories too.

2. There are no bombs going off anywhere in the streets. At least not yet, and not counting the ones at the Boston Marathon back in 2013.

3. Government agents don't storm the homes of private citizens unannounced and throw them in a police car and take them to jail. (They only do that if you worked for President Trump.)

4. Even a less-than-intelligent little black girl can, by pulling enough strings, rise to the highest levels of society and become Vice President! (See photo.)

Bratty Offspring of Nutty Democrats

Last week in London two little bratty girls, aged 21, went into the National Gallery, opened two cans of soup and threw the contents at Van Gogh's Sunflowers, then spread glue on their hands and glued themselves to the wall, all to protest climate change.

Sadly the girls are obviously demented, most likely raised by similarly demented parents who talk such nonsense at home. They have not been told that most climate change is caused by factors that include oceanic processes (such as oceanic circulation), biotic processes (e.g., plants), variations in solar radiation received by Earth, plate tectonics and volcanic eruptions. 

The good news is that the painting is perfectly fine, having been protected by a sheet of glass. The bad news is that more and more people believe this rot, as if the Earth's climate has not always been changing. Didn't they ever hear of the Ice Age? Or the Great Dust Bowl? Or the following:

"55 million years ago – Permian-Eocene Thermal Maximum Over a period of about 100,000 years, the planet slowly warmed by between 5° and 8° Celsius (9°-14.4° Fahrenheit). What caused the warming? Some scientists point to a volcanic eruption that prompted marine sediments to release the powerful greenhouse gas methane into the atmosphere. Oceans across the globe reached tropical temperatures, causing the extinction of a significant percentage of marine life."

Theater Review: OUR TOWN

Thornton Wilder's classic play "Our Town" has been performed literally countless times since its first staging in 1938. It's been produced on Broadway and Off-Broadway, in high-school and college auditoriums and local small theaters across the country, as well as across the globe. There are movie versions and audio recordings starring great actors and acting wannabes. I've seen it four times and I always cry at the end. Except for last night, when I saw it performed in a church in our little town of Freeport, by a cast of never-acted-before townspeople who just couldn't get me there.

Seeing a play done by non-actors gives you new respect for actors. First of all they remember their lines, which helps a lot; not so much with this crew. As for the directing, I was offended by the unorthodox between-acts musical interlude featuring two cast members singing songs popular in the  era of the story and inviting audience members to join in. To my horror, many of them did. This was a real shocker, breaking whatever magical spell might otherwise have been created. As opposed to the "legendary" 2009 Off-Broadway production by director David Cromer that is still revered in theater circles and always gives me chills whenever I recall it, which is quite often. 

There was one stand-out, however, a young man named Eric C. Smith who played the Stage Manager, which is basically saying he carried the play on his shoulders with lengthy, uninterrupted monologues from beginning to end. With no acting training or experience except for drama classes back in high school, Smith never missed a beat and was very convincing as someone living back in 1903. He should quit his day job immediately and get his name in lights somewhere.

As for the rest of the cast, oh well. Admitted amateurs, with most of them never acting in anything ever, they hurt the production considerably, although the play's main point still resonated throughout the small theater: Live for today for you too shall die. Not only live for today but drink in every moment, keep your eyes peeled for every nuance and pay close attention to other people, for someday you will be nothing but a mound of ashes in a pile of dirt. The biggest bummer is you can never go back.

That Wilder sure could drive a point home.

Bravo, Liz Truss!

Liz Truss quit her job as Britain's Prime Minister after just 44 days. Clearly this decision indicates her superior intellect, which is Britain's loss. Obviously, at the age of 47 Liz decided that life is too short to spend one more day being publicly ridiculed, pilloried, mocked, criticized, and all but tortured by an unfeeling press and bitter colleagues in Parliament who wanted nothing more than to take her down.

I say, "Bravo, Liz!" Now go live a nice life with your handsome husband, one where you won't be compared to a head of lettuce and come in second, which is what's going on in England right now. That's right, a head of lettuce is apparently rotting at a slower pace than Liz Truss did, or some such nonsense, look it up.

There is no amount of money that would could cajole me into being in the public eye in any capacity. I would rather be homeless living on a park bench than be a celebrity.  

Fashionistas Bleat In Unison

Talk about sheep! Women in America are classic examples of following the flock. In case you are blind and have not noticed, the way women are supposed to wear sweaters and shirts these days is with the front of them tucked into the waist of their jeans or slacks, and the rest of the fabric hanging out. This is done in order to look cool, I suppose, and to show the world you are not fat or pregnant. There are even tutorials online teaching you how to "tuck" correctly!

I, being not a sheep but a cat, don't do this. (As everyone knows, cats are independent and do what they please.) I just tuck the whole thing in or leave the whole thing out. But hey, I have also never heard the music of Taylor Swift so what do I know? 

Above are are just a few examples of how someone "in the know" is supposed to dress these days. While doing so, just say "Baaaaaaa."

No You're Not Paranoid, Life is Dangerous

Lake Mead

Life is full of peril. Everyone knows the dangers of swimming in shark-infested waters, especially if they have seen the movie Jaws. But did we all know that swimming in lakes also has its dangers? Sadly, a young boy has died after swimming in Nevada's Lake Mead after contracting a brain-eating amoeba that likely entered his body through his nose. His illness came on within a week and death soon followed. It was the third such death this year, the other two being in Nebraska and Missouri. 

To avoid contracting the organism, the CDC officially recommends not jumping or diving into bodies of fresh water in summer. Once in the water, it is advised that one should hold one's nose shut or keep one's head above water, and avoid putting one's head underwater in hot springs or other untreated geothermal waters.

Personally, I'm sticking to taking long showers.

Rich Lady Fritters Away Fortune

Giving away millions of dollars is serious business. Sadly, that job sometimes falls into the wrong hands. Take, for example, philanthropist MacKenzie Scott, a.k.a. the ex-wife of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, the second-richest man on the planet. She recently gifted  $84.5 million to Girl Scouts of the USA and $275 million to the Planned Parenthood Federation of America. That comes to $359.5 million to make sure women are free to kill their unborn babies and little girls learn how to camp in the woods and sell cookies. (Ironically, the Girl Scout motto is "Be prepared," so I guess none of them will need the services of Planned Parenthood.)

One has to wonder what Ms. Scott was thinking, or if she was thinking at all. For that much money she could have built a homeless shelter for 100 people in about 40 cities in America, or maybe more if they scrimped on materials. Or she could have given it to St. Jude's Hospital for Children which pays for every child's treatment, or any number of similar hospitals for children across the country. Or she could have donated it to cancer research or any of the several underfunded research centers focusing on rare diseases. Or the Ronald McDonald House, which gives free housing to families so they can be near their sick children receiving treatment for cancer and other serious illnesses in cities all across the nation.

There there is the rest of the world. How about Haiti, still a mess from the earthquake that destroyed much of its infrastructure in 2010? And all those starving countries in Africa, where children with distended stomachs eat mud pies? Or perhaps help rebuild so many lives destroyed by natural disasters by giving a couple of bucks to the American Red Cross.

All she had to do was go on Amazon and search "best charities." (You'd think she would have started there.) Oh well, with a net worth of $33.6 billion she's still got some dough left. Maybe she'll read this blog before she writes another check.

Dr. No Idea

I have recently been diagnosed with something called Irritable Bowel Syndrome (with Constipation if you must know), commonly referred to as IBS-C. This is actually a good thing since I was missing something starting with an "I" in my alphabetical list of ailments. Anyway, in my quest to deal with this terrible, painful, annoying and almost debilitating disease, I have invested much time reading articles about it online and have purchased two books on the subject. My research has yielded the following information. 

People with IBS should:

Never eat cheese of any kind OR have some cheeses, including brie, camembert, mozzarella and parmesan, at will.

Never consume raw vegetables of any kind including greens OR have a salad of uncooked lettuce and raw cucumbers for a tasty lunch.

Eat as much white rice as they want OR never have any white rice (but brown is okay).

Never have egg yolks, just the whites OR eggs are fine, yolks and all.

Never have coffee or any caffeine OR limit it to no more than three cups a day.

Eat no dairy whatsoever OR eat plenty of plain Greek yogurt to support gut health.

Never consume or cook with butter OR eat butter anytime and in any quantities.

Stay away from apples completely OR eat only applesauce.

Don't eat oatmeal or oats in any form OR enjoy oatmeal for breakfast every day!

These inconsistencies coming directly from the dietitians and nutritionists as well as doctors have made me actually Irritable All Over. So now I guess I have IBS-C-IAO.

The Democratic Circus

I have paid no attention to the ongoing TV circus regarding the events of almost two years ago involving a bunch of idiots who entered the Capitol in protest of the questionable election results giving Joe Biden the presidency. I do not believe that it was a threat to our democracy. I don't think Donald Trump made them do it. I believe it's all about how frightened the Democrats are that if Trump were to run again he would win, and so to prevent that from happening they will do anything and everything to make him look like a criminal when, let's face it, they are the criminals.

I'm a college-educated Jew from New York. I don't own a gun or a truck or a MAGA hat. I am not a redneck. I believe in abortions, although I don't think for a minute they are related to a woman's "health."

I also believe that the last election was stolen from the Republicans who were clearly on a path to victory. Sorry, I just do. I also believe that the already-waging media war against Governor Ron DeSantis is another transparent example of how the Democrats are fearful they will lose in 2024. Which they should, as the current administration has made everything in America worse.

Baby Boomers Still Rule. (Not Sorry)

A face only a mother could love?

This morning, as I ate my healthy breakfast of a banana, some blueberries and a bowl of oatmeal with a tablespoon of peanut butter on the side, I scrolled through an article online about the terrible foods that Baby Boomers, who are the worst of the worst according to the author and should just die off already, still eat. On the list is plain white toast, mayonnaise, "a nasty food smothered on anything," and meat loaf. "Meat loaf looks disgusting and tastes even worse," declared the article's author. He, or maybe They, went on, citing proudly that, "We millennials squeeze our own almond milk!"

In response I would like to say that I find most millennials disgusting to look at. Their snot-like nose rings, pointless lip and tongue balls, pierced eyebrows, giant earlobe holes filled with a black tar plug, purple, green and magenta lifeless spiky hair, hideous tattoos covering most of their arms and legs, and sometimes a neck, oversized jeans with huge torn holes up and down the legs, and general sloppy attire, combat boots and fingernails painted black as if the whole hand had been smashed in a car door, make all of them look like extras from the set of The Night of the Living Dead. (Not my son however, who has eschewed the questionable fashion trends of his generation and thus is still as beautiful as the day he was born. But the rest of them: feh!)

So I will keep eating my delicious meatloaf, and of course toast, which I might even try with a dab of mayo. In fact, a meatloaf on toast with mayo sandwich sounds pretty, pretty, pretty good right now. As for squeezing almonds into milk, when you don't work and have plenty of time on your hands, that might be something to do.

Trigger-Happy Fools

I knew the human race was heading for trouble back when my son was a toddler in nursery school, but nobody would listen. It hit me one day during outdoor playtime, when Cindy, the teacher, insisted that Julia get off the tricycle and give Joshy a turn since her five minutes were up. Julia, four years old, balked at this idea as she was having fun.

"Why can't she stay on the bike and let Joshy do something else?" I asked. Of course, as a volunteering mom I had no authority. 

Cindy remained firm, replying, "Fair is fair, everyone gets five minutes on the bike."

Soldiering on, I said, "Yes, but what about the fact that Joshy bites the other kids? Does he really deserve equal treatment, with no punishment?"

"Everyone gets treated the same in my class." And with her final statement, I understood that Cindy was wrong, that she would vote Democrat for her whole life regardless of the issues or any extenuating circumstances, and that Joshy would likely go on to be a serial murderer or something close to it.

I have no idea how any of them turned out, but I do know that things have proceeded on a downward slide until this very day, when I read that a survey of 2,000 Gen-Zers, those between the ages of 16-29, feel attacked when someone, or as they put it "an old person" texts them a thumbs-up emoji, which they say is "passive aggressive." They feel it is a hostile act and want the emoji banned! 

This important bit of news was just announced today, so if you are a thumbs-up kind of person, STOP IT RIGHT NOW! Or don't. I say screw the little brats. They have pasta (most likely Mac 'n cheese) for brains. They know nothing.

What Is A Friend

When a friend dies, our lives are greatly diminished. It also puts everyone else in perspective. This is certainly true in my case. 

Last July 22 my best friend of 25 years, Debra Sandack, was killed in a car accident. Since then I have pretty much lost interest in having friends at all, except for the ones who were grandfathered in. As for those "friends" who are nothing more than people who live in your neighborhood or work with you, forget about it.

Today I went through my list of "friends" on Facebook and eliminated anyone who does not know I have been sick with bronchitis for the last two weeks. I also deleted anyone who has not contacted me in several months. 

If you have friends who use you as a receptacle for stories about themselves, get rid of them. They are useless and only drain your energy. Do something else with your time.

Film Review: DARK WATERS

Ruffalo as Rob Billot, visiting a poisoned W. Virginia farm. 

A fictionalized account of a true story released and mostly overlooked in 2019, Dark Waters will pretty much kill your trust in anything and anyone not related to you by blood. Still, it's an absorbing and worthwhile movie despite, or maybe because of, its dire subject: the poisoning of a small family farm by the great and mighty DuPont Corporation, makers of many fine chemical-based products to make your life easier. Take, for example, that Teflon frying pan you use every day.*

Starring Mark Ruffalo and Tim Robbins as lawyers caught in the web of DuPont's lies, the story focuses on a West Virginia farmer whose cows are all mysteriously dying of horrible organ failures and dysfunctions, but not before they go crazy first. In desperation, the farmer (Bill Camp) reaches out to big-city lawyer Robert Billot (Ruffalo) for help. At first he is turned away, but soon enough Billot becomes obsessed with unraveling the truth, despite the fact that his own firm, in which he has just been named a partner, represents DuPont as a client. Naturally there are unintended consequences for his legal career when Billot publicly discloses that DuPont has been using the neighboring farmland as a toxic chemical dump.

A bleak visual experience, which one film critic called "spiritually draining," darkness is the overriding color onscreen. Still, the film grabs you and holds your attention for just over two hours. Serviceable supporting performances by Anne Hathaway, Mare Winningham, Bill Pullman and Victor Garber add to the A-list cast, but it's Ruffalo's film all the way. As usual, he loses himself in the role and does a superb job. (Still without an Oscar, he is surely one of Hollywood's most underrated actors.)

When the final credits roll you will likely do as I did and go straight to the kitchen and throw out all your Teflon pans. But it's too late, since we've been told that 99% of us already have ingested the poison. Anyway, watching the movie can't hurt you, and it might even help.

* One of the key ingredients in DuPont's Teflon was C8, a toxic, man-made chemical also known as PFOS or PFOA. It's what gave Teflon its non-stick properties. Since it was eventually proven to be a deadly toxin, it was replaced with another chemical compound called Gen-X, which is already showing up in waterways.

Doctors Without Ideas

For the last 14 days but who's counting, I have been suffering from a condition we shall call bronchitis, for lack of a better word. It started as a common cold but then morphed into a monstrous cough that overtook my lungs and entire body. Several COVID tests were negative. Eventually I threw caution to the wind and involved the professional medical community, such as it is.

First I went to something called "Urgent Care." You'd think with a name like that they would put their best people on it, but instead I was seen by a young woman, who knows how old she was since she wore a mask but if I had to guess I'd say 28, who listened to my chest through a stethoscope and declared my lungs free of any rattles, thus antibiotics would not work since it must be viral. I was sent home with a prescription for prednisone tablets, one to be taken once a day for the next four days. They did nothing.

Next I went to my primary care physician, or what used to be called the Family Doctor. He listened to my lungs through a stethoscope and said they were clear and so no pneumonia, then declared it "a cough." His exact words were, "Coughs are hard." He prescribed Tylenol with Codeine so I could sleep at night, and said to call him back if I didn't get better in a week.

So I called back in a week and the doc ordered a chest x-ray and a prescription for an antibiotic. The x-ray was normal and the antibiotic made me feel better after just one pill. I said how come an antibiotic if it's viral, and the nurse said that the doc told her, "It must have turned into a bacterial infection."

Putin's Unhappy Birthday

Today Vladimir Putin turns 70,  a fairly momentous birthday to be sure. But I'm betting he's not having a party, or getting any presents or any cake. Not even any "Happy Birthday" clicks on Facebook, which is the least anyone can do. This is as it should be since he is pure evil and his birth should be considered one of history's biggest infamies. So please join me in wishing Vlad a very terrible birthday and all the worst. And may it be his last.

FILM REVIEW: The Bridges of Madison County

Simply put, this movie sucks out loud. Really, I could hear it sucking from the kitchen two rooms away, which is where I spent most of it fixing myself snacks while Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood spent much of their time kissing or spouting such embarrassing dialog I almost had to cover my ears. 

Everyone knows The Bridges of Madison County was a smash best-selling book in 1992, then was made into a smash film by Eastwood in 1995, who directed himself in it. It's surprising he didn't fire himself since his acting, usually so dependable, was mawkishly amateurish here. And Streep, today's Goddess of Film, was also not up to par, possibly because of the horrid lines she was forced to utter. The one thing that really stood out for me was how pudgy her fingers are. Who knew?

The structure of the film is also ridiculous. Streep's character has died and her adult children come to her Iowa farmhouse to dispense with her will and her belongings, and find a box she left for them telling the story of her four days of love with Eastwood's National Geographic photographer on assignment who came looking for directions and ended up smooching her in a bathtub, of course with candles all around. Oh yeah, her husband and kids were out of town for exactly those days at the county fair, how convenient.

Even the eponymous bridges were unimpressive, a couple of decrepit relics they found somewhere in America. I've seen much better covered bridges in Vermont, and I've had much better love affairs too. This film is basically unwatchable unless maybe you are a 12-year-old girl. And if you are, let me just say that four days of almost continual drinking of beers and brandies with a hot stranger who looks like Clint Eastwood in place of your dumpy husband who walks around like a potato in denim overalls and never talks to you will likely lead to lust, but certainly not the love of your life. Oh please.

So the four days are over and he begs her to go with him but she can't leave her family and instead cries a lot, and you, the viewer, are finally released from 135 minutes of hell.

Putin's Perfect Timing

Lately Russia's maniacal leader Vladimir Putin is threatening to blow up the world with nuclear weapons. At least that's one way to look at his increasing threats of deploying a little one here and there just to keep certain countries, like the U.S and Ukraine, in line. While the thought of it is dire, you can't fault him on his timing: the human race is getting dumber every day, and now's as good a time as any to end it.

Reasons to Drop the Bomb

1. Signs of advancing stupidity are everywhere you look. One shining example is here in America, where a woman named Kim Kardashian is perhaps our hugest celebrity who dominates the news daily. She has no skills or talents. The daughter of a rich family that starred in its own reality TV show, all Kim does is have plastic surgery on different body parts, change her hair color monthly, get married and divorced to other celebrities, throw huge parties and sue or get sued for millions of dollars. Her net worth is estimated at $1.8 billion and she has 330.5 million followers on Instagram, where she is an "influencer."

2.  More and more young parents, those zany millennials and Gen Z-ers, are raising their kids without gender. How do they accomplish this fantastic, novel, ultra-modern thing? They don't tell the kid its gender, and don't tell anyone else either. They dress boys in pink and girls in blue! They let their daughters play with trucks and their sons take up ballet! They give them genderless names, like Alex and Avery! They never call them "he" or "she" to others! Not quite sure what they tell the girls when they start menstruating, or when the boys get an erection, but maybe by puberty they will have amped up those puberty blockers that are becoming so popular.

3. Today's woke singles are eschewing traditional family roles, instead engaging in sex with anyone and everyone rather than committing to one partner. The old-fashioned term "sleeping around" is now referred to as being  polyamorous, making the behavior an almost clinical condition.

4. Race is everything, the exact opposite of what the once-revered Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. famously said. The content of one's character matters not a whit anymore; skin tone and ethnicity determine one's fate. Yesterday our light-beige VP, Kamala Harris, declared that government relief for Hurricane Ian would be allocated based on "equity," going on to elaborate that "brown and black people in poor neighborhoods" would be given top priority. (I guess all those lousy white people down in Florida can just starve or drown.)

5. According to IBIS World analysts in 2020, the $1.4 billion tattoo industry was slated to increase its market size by 23.2% in 2021—a faster growth rate than that of the consumer goods and services sector as a whole. It has far exceeded that expectation in 2022, with just about every young person, and lots of grannies too, rushing out to get inked. More and more people are spending their limited funds on decorating their own bodies instead of donating to charities or supporting local Mom and Pop businesses, which are forced to close down every day.

So bring it on, Vladimir. Maybe a million years from now the next bunch will do better.