Stop Nazi Fever!

I read this morning that scientists at Pfizer are working on a vaccine for Lyme disease. That's good, but really I think they should stop all work on everything else and put their best efforts towards a vaccine for Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS), which is fast overtaking COVID as our #1 health problem that threatens to bring about the downfall of our democracy.

The earliest known cases of TDS appeared in June of 2015 when Donald Trump announced his intention to run for the presidency. At first it was contained within the world of journalism, with news anchors at CNN and MSNBC showing signs of it. Then it quickly spread to the editors at  the New York Times and all other left-leaning media outlets, eventually taking hold in Washington D.C., with democratic members of Congress suffering the worst of the symptoms. Some even went crazy, like Senator Mazie Hirono of Hawaii who was already on shaky ground mentally, and that old war horse from California Maxine Waters, who at her advanced age simply couldn't fight it off. She got it so bad she gave speeches around the country telling people to chase down any Republican they saw in public and "get in their face."

By the time Donald Trump took office in January 2016, TDS was rampant. Just fifteen minutes after the new president was sworn in, Democratic Congressman Adam Schiff of California swore he would not rest until Trump was impeached. It soon became obvious that California was a hotbed of the disease, with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi from San Francisco suffering terribly. (By 2020 she was so ill that she actually tore up the president's third Sate of the Union speech on national TV, while he was delivering it!)

Since then, every single Democrat in America has been infected. Not one has been spared. The worst symptoms include criticizing Trump with the phrase "orange man bad," which shows their loss of verbal acuity, the insistence that every last thing that is wrong in America is the fault of Trump, and that Joe Biden is a good president and not a frail, demented mess. In my little neighborhood in Maine, every single Democrat, which is basically the whole neighborhood except for one man who is still in the closet, has stopped speaking to me after I put a lawn sign in favor of Maine's Republican Senator Susan Collins in my yard. 

The disease has overtaken the White House, and many other branches of government and government  agencies have exhibited the frightening symptoms of TDS. The latest was just a day ago, when the FBI raided the Florida home of our former president -- yes, he was our former president -- hoping to find some piece of evidence damaging enough to put him in jail, or at least make sure he cannot run in the next election. (A huge part of TDS is the overriding fear that Trump will run and win.) 

This unprecedented act will surely go down in history as the starting point of the ultimate downfall of "America, the land of the free." TDS is just a hop, skip and a jump away from Nazi Fever. So come on Pfizer, get to work on stopping this dangerous disease before all us Jews are forced to wear yellow arm bands in public.