Every day for the last week I have checked the newspapers for the obituary of my friend Debra who died on July 22, to no avail. I understand that her family is bereft beyond words and can barely get through each day, yet since I live in Maine and they live in Salt Lake City I can be of no help. Still, I long to see a published record of the interesting life of this very rare individual. Her passing should have been all over the news but she was not a celebrity, except to about 1,000 ordinary people who knew and cherished her.
Even though Debra told several family members that she had written her own obituary, perhaps I should write one for her and post it here, since I wrote about her frequently while she was alive. To that end, I have perused many obituary columns to see if there is some sort of formula people use. The one constant seems to be in the opening paragraph, where it is said that the deceased is "now at peace" or "finally at peace, in the arms of God," or "resting with God," or some such rot as that. How do we know everyone who dies is at peace? And how terrible were their lives that they are finally at peace? Was everyone who ever lived completely miserable and warring with the world?
My friend Debra lived her life at peace, with a few minor exceptions of course, like when one of her pets got sick or lost, or one of her kids had a problem. But on the whole she was upbeat, able to see the good in every person and the humor in every situation. And if there is a heaven, Deb is certainly not resting in the arms of anyone, least of all God. Instead, she is likely organizing some kind of huge event, cooking a fabulous meal for thousands and setting a beautiful table complete with fancy dinner napkins, fresh-cut flowers, sparkling china and glowing candles stretching as far as the eye can see. And if there are no dishwashers up there, Deb's doing all the dishes too.
It's been a week since I got this terrible news and I am finally able to think of her without crying. I may just get busy writing that obituary.
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