Sometimes reading the news can be a real eye-opener. Whether in print or online, it's full of stories about how people died. Car crashes are quite popular; just this morning I read of a family of five, all killed in one crash. Another story was about four people riding a golf cart in the city of Galveston, which allows that, who were killed when an SUV crashed into them at a busy intersection. And out in Wyoming, where my friend Debra breathed her last under an 18-wheeler that crashed straight into the driver's side of her car (she was driving, her husband severely injured in the passenger seat), there are dozens of equally horrific stories online of other fatal accidents occurring in those big, wide open spaces and on the very same road she was traveling.
Then there are the freak accidents, like what happened to the vacationing Wisconsin couple struck by lightning across the street from the White House a few nights ago. They were in the nation's capital celebrating their 50th anniversary when a sudden, vicious storm whipped up and ended their lives. Poof -- just like that they were gone. They were 75 and 76, but another victim of the same storm standing nearby to them was just 29. Death makes no allowances for age.
And who could forget disease? Cancer, strokes, diabetes, heart attacks and other, more esoteric illnesses steal countless loved ones every day. And mass shootings, now almost commonplace, eradicate multiple lives at once, for no reason at all. Of course, drownings, gang wars and just plain murder occur constantly, upping the human death count daily.
So what's the big deal? Since we all know it's coming, how come when it does it's so painful for the survivors? Is there no way to accept the death of a loved one with grace and dignity instead of wailing to the high heavens, "Why God, why?" and hating life all of a sudden? Bereavement is such a downer, and in some cases it never ends.
According to experts, this is what grief can do to you: "Grief can cause a variety of effects on the body including increased inflammation, joint pain, headaches, and digestive problems. It can also lower your immunity, making you more susceptible to illness. Grief also can contribute to cardiovascular problems, difficulty sleeping, and unhealthy coping mechanisms."
I have been suffering a lot of those effects for the last ten days and to be frank, it's getting old. At the same time, I am being given the advice by well-meaning bystanders that I must "find the joy in every day" while I'm alive. But, as you may have noticed, joy is not one of the side effects of grief, which makes it hard. And if you love a lot of people who will eventually die or have already, that "finding joy" thing gets even harder.
If anyone knows how to circumvent grief, or even just shorten its duration, please contact me.
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