1984 Updated

Last night during dinner there was a pounding on the front door. Who could it be, we wondered? It sounded urgent. Mitch, quickly putting on his face mask, ran to the door and opened it to a team of men in uniform, all wearing badges that said "Gender Police." Oh no, what had we done? Of course we let them in and asked why they had come. One of them said, "We have a strong belief that you are harboring a Mr. Coffee pot."

It was true. Begging for mercy we explained that we no longer used it having graduated to the popular Genderqueer Krups, but Mr. Coffee was a back-up when we had a crowd. Naturally with Covid we stopped throwing parties, and things being what they are we should have taken it to the dump long ago just to be safe. Still, we asked how they found out about our old Mr. Coffee stuck way in the back of the cupboard.

"An alert neighbor spotted it at a party here and sent us this photo," one of the officers said. It was from a Christmas party two years ago! Who could have taken such a picture and then turned us in to the authorities? We were dumbfounded. The fact that it was a first offense allowed us leniency, so we were spared the embarrassment of it being made public. It was just a $300 fine and we had to relinquish the offensive coffee pot, plus filters. 

Fortunately we had put our face masks on before we let them in so they hadn't noticed we're Jewish. (Somehow our dinner of brisket and potato kugel on the dining room table did not give us away.) If they had, oy vay, I don't even want to think about it. I know one thing for sure -- I would not be writing this post on my computer. The punishment around here for Obnoxious Religious Separatism is much tougher than the one for Blatant Archaic Genderism.