Planning for Election Night

There are all sorts of memes, signs, posters and emails advising people to, "Plan to vote!" and how to, "Plan for voting." While these may help some people, like those who just arrived here from another planet, I'm all set in that department. What I need is a plan for getting through election night, when my husband and I will be glued to the TV from 6 pm until past midnight. How will we spend our time? We've been discussing it, and have come up with the following schedule. 

6 PM: With some early returns starting to trickle in and most polls still open, we'll eat a healthy dinner, maybe broiled haddock with steamed broccoli and a modest glass of red wine. 

7 PM: Pundits will start to highlight those digital maps of the country, with red states and blue states and red counties and blue counties, and maybe some red streets and blue streets showing trends. A few of them on CNN and MSNBC will already be getting testy because Trump may have won a few more of these than they would have liked. But Mitch and I will be ready with a couple of tubs of Chubby Hubby and Cherry Garcia, and bags of Oreos.

8 PM: Most polls will have closed and things will be looking pretty obvious for one side or the other. It's nail-biting time, but instead of nails we'll be biting into some tasty snacks like those Wise potato chips I bought just for this purpose. Maybe some chips and guacamole, not sure yet. 

9 PM: Clearly it will either be going our way or not going our way. To celebrate or drown our sorrows, a few White Russians will seem quite fitting, considering, although to avoid being seen as racist we'll chase them with a couple of Black Russians. (Note to self: Buy more Kahlua.)

10 PM: Surprise, surprise, things are looking up! Seems a bit early but is it time for the champagne? Oh, why not. We can always have another bottle later.

11 PM: Concession speeches are not forthcoming; instead, protesters are filling the streets of cities across America. Mitch rolls a big joint, just to help us sleep. And some Irish coffee will help us settle down. (Note to self: Buy more Jameson's.)

Midnight: Grabbing that second bottle of champagne, we'll stumble off to bed. (If we can get up the stairs.)