Nancy Pelosi's Next Act

I'd love to write a satirical post about Nancy Pelosi, but it's just too easy. It takes no skill at all, anyone can do it: you just have to accurately describe her actions to get a laugh. Also, it's not fair since we all know not to mock the retarded, or even use the word retarded, and Nancy is clearly that which we may not utter, poor thing.

The perfect name for Nancy's glue!

At the televised State of the Union speech two nights ago, Ms. Pelosi, third in line to the presidency should an airplane fall out of the sky and squash the President and Vice-President as they stroll across the White House lawn together, made it painfully clear that she is senile, a fact we never think of thanks to her steady use of Botox and those annual facelifts, all of which make her look far younger than her years. Also, she still has a damn good figure for someone close to celebrating eight decades on the planet, and being extremely rich she's got great clothes, likely handmade by a personal tailor, that flatter her.

But her head is clearly messed up, and I don't just mean her false teeth or whatever dental arrangement she's got going on in there that always seems to need adjusting. Ripping up the president's State of the Union speech -- actually a government-owned document that was not hers to destroy -- in front of the entire world, she looked like nothing more than a petulant five-year old throwing a tantrum. Or else the prudish editor of a romance novel containing too many heaving bosoms and throbbing members for her delicate system to handle.

Whatever her problem, it's time for Nancy to be sent to the glue factory -- and soon, before something fatal happens to Trump and Pence, which certainly could since that lefty lunatic Whoopi Goldberg is still at large.