J. Lo's Halftime Vagina Show

J. Lo's crotch, the star of the SuperBowl Halftime show.

Last night I was forced to watch the SuperBowl with my husband and a couple of friends. Okay they didn't tie me down or anything, they just all wanted to watch it and I wasn't going to be a spoil sport. So I dug in and sat down within easy reach of the Binga's Wingas -- they are truly awesome -- and tried to pay attention. Still, I honestly didn't find it all that compelling, although I pretended to so as not to disrespect the others. Then came the halftime show, touted for days in advance to be so fabulous, what with the amazing J. Lo starring.

As far as I could see, her talent must be located somewhere between her legs since she spent most of her act showcasing her vaginal area: pushing it forward, twerking it around and even dressing it in a black leather strip in case we didn't notice it, the better to spot it when she spread her legs wide, a recurrent theme of the choreography. In a second number she changed outfits, this time directing the audience's attention to her butt cheeks, bending over and shoving them at the camera, shaking them hither and yon and making them bounce in time to the music, such as it was.

(Okay, time out. I give up. Did I dream the whole #MeToo movement with the pink pussy hats and the women screaming obscenities about being treated like nothing more than pieces of meat? Is Harvey Weinstein about to spend his life in jail for treating women like sex objects, but the producers of the Superbowl who sent several dozen young women onstage dressed in equal amounts of red sequins and bare skin, their vaginas, albeit covered, pulsing wildly in our direction, are allowed to remain at large?)

Meanwhile, back on stage: Let's not forget the pole dancing number, which J. Lo appeared to really enjoy. This made me wonder if the woman is an actress, a singer or a stripper. Based on last night's performance, wherein singing or acting were nowhere to be found, I'd have to assume stripper. BTW, I am not a prude. Go have sex, as much as you want with as many people as you can, indulging in your gender preferences and favorite positions -- I could care less. But please -- keep your vagina out of my chicken wings.