Make America Dull Again

Straight from Central Casting: The Klobuchars!

 Excuse me for saying this, but I think Donald Trump is funny. I don't think he is the next Hitler, or any sort of dictator. He doesn't scare me. I believe he truly wants to make America great again and has worked steadily towards that goal. All the negative stuff attributed to him -- the alleged racism and sowing of hatred, the "tearing babies from their mother's arms" and "putting them in cages" (a policy implemented by Barack Obama) -- comes directly from the bosses at CNN and MSNBC and the New York Times.

Trump's copious tweets, a modern take on FDR's radio fireside chats, represent the only un-spun news coming from the White House directly to the people. Still, I didn't vote for him last time and I won't this time, because the chaos he creates by snubbing his nose at entrenched government automatons like Nancy Pelosi, a true lunatic, and her minions is simply too distracting, depressing and downright dirty. 

Imagine a nice, normal president who is as boring as apple pie. Nothing to see here folks except a bland husband and a nice-enough grown daughter. I'm talking about Amy Klobuchar. She would finally break that glass ceiling we keep hearing about by becoming our first female president. (Take that, Hillary!) She's smart, low-key to the point of drab, and seemingly non-neurotic. Oh what a relief that would be.

But never fear: Like truffle pigs, those insatiable journalists will dig and dig and dig and find what to hate about her, so if your life is empty you can continue to fill it with salacious gossip about the leader of our country. Still, a vote for Amy is a vote for normalcy. Do it!