Out of the Loop and Loving It

I am nothing if not out of the loop. One way I know this is when I leaf through the pages of People magazine and I don't recognize anyone. Staying out of the loop these days is not easy, believe me. What with the Internet, which I am on frequently, it takes a fair amount of diligence not to know everything. Also, peer pressure is a big deterrent to staying clueless. Yesterday a friend of mine invited me to a rally being held in downtown Portland to protest the new anti-abortion law in Alabama and I didn't go. I figured A, I'm not pregnant and B, I've never been to Alabama and have no intention of going, and C, I don't understand protests. Like, what are you supposed to do at one and how does it help?

Anyway, my out-of-the-loopness is one of the most unique things about me and possibly could get me into The Guinness Book of World Records. Here are just a few of my considerable accomplishments:

I have never seen or heard Taylor Swift or Adele perform. I have not heard the soundtrack from Hamilton. I have never seen one episode of Game of Thrones, Mad Men, Orange is the New Black, The Big Bang Theory, The Handmaid's Tale, The Crown or This Is Us. I have never read any book that was on the New York Times best-seller list. (Naturally this includes any of the Harry Potter books.) I have never had a kale smoothie (or any kind of smoothie), a Bloomin' Onion, a Starbucks Macchiato or a Margarita. I have never watched the Superbowl or been on a cruise. I don't do yoga. I no longer watch Saturday Night Live, or any late-night TV shows.

Despite all that, I live and breathe. I make art and read books that I enjoy and watch reruns of old comedies on TV. I have friends and the occasional good time, although not the amount of good time you see in all those TV commercials where people are drinking Margaritas and eating Bloomin' Onions and laughing joyfully as they navigate a climbing wall on a Carnival cruise. Still, I believe I will stay out of the loop for the rest of my life. It's cozy there.