All About Bagels

The usual line at Fairmount Bagel in Montreal. Seen far right, two bags of recently scored bagels.

I am a skeptic. Just because a million people believe something doesn't mean it's true. Take, for example, Jonah being swallowed by a whale or, if religion isn't your thing, Christine Ford's old story of childhood trauma involving a boy now nominated to be the fifth conservative justice on the Supreme Court. I thought it was poppycock from the minute she showed up in costume: those big glasses, that dangling mop of hair and the wobbly little girl voice were all intended to distract us from the fact that she was lying through her teeth -- which you couldn't even see what with all that hair in the way. Anyway, I digress.

A few days ago I went to Montreal. I had heard all sorts of good things about the place from friends, some of which turned out to be true and some of which did not. One thing that did not was the myth that the bagels in that city rival those found in New York City, and even that bagels were invented in Montreal. Both of those rumors are laughable, which of course will not stop people from believing them. (See opening paragraph.)

First of all, bagels came into being in Poland. End of story. Next, the bagels in Montreal (which by the way is indeed very bagel-focused, evidenced by the long lines of customers outside the two most popular bagel shops) look sort of like the ones you get in New York, and if you are drunk (like Ms. Ford and Mr. Kavanaugh allegedly were on that fateful night that may or may not have ever been), you might think they are just as good. But they are not.

It's mostly because of the water; in Montreal they use "honey water," which naturally makes the product a bit sweet. Even if it's a garlic bagel or a sesame or an everything, it's still sweet underneath. (That's not what I'm looking for in a bagel; if I wanted sweet I'd get a donut.) So while they are a lot better than the bagels in many other cities, don't plan a trip around it.