It's Too Late, Johnny

Johnny at 80: not sexy.

Maine being basically off the grid, I usually jump at the chance when a "big name" entertainer decides to come here. After all, it's not every day, like it is in DC or New York, that a giant of the industry visits America's Vacationland. So I get tickets to see them all, even if the performer was never a true favorite of mine, just to feel like less of an outsider. But I have to draw the line at Johnny Mathis, who is scheduled to appear here next May in what is being billed as "A Night to Remember." (I hope he remembers to come.)

When I was in high school I adored Johnny. What girl didn't? With his beautiful face and incredibly velvety voice, his tender love songs went straight to my heart. Then sometime in college I learned the truth: He wasn't singing to me at all, or in fact to any girl. Johnny was gay!

Of course I forgave him and moved on. But now he's back, and besides being gay he is 80, and that is simply unforgivable. I am certainly not interested in hearing some old, gay guy croon "Chances Are" and "A Certain Smile." He's 80!!!!! How embarrassing.