Nothing Says "I Love You" Like Nothing

Valentine's Day is a day away, and I plan to give it the same treatment I inaugurated last October when I turned off the porch light on Halloween. Not giving out candy to children was incredibly liberating. After that, hooked on holiday avoidance we snubbed our noses at Thanksgiving and fled the country in the weeks leading up to Christmas.

Holidays are often an easy way out for people who lack imagination: Just follow the prescribed plan, dispense the suggested gifts, cook the appropriate menu and you can be assured you'll be right instead of wrong. (After all, being wrong is never right.) As for tomorrow, thus far I have done nothing, mostly because I've been hobbled by a few fractured ribs and can't run around gathering cards, balloons, chocolates or whatever trinkets might make my husband feel loved, as if the fact that I've lived with him for 27 years and tolerated his adorable quirks, interestingly odd habits and commanding personality hasn't yet proved the point.

Still, the gifting of chocolates is supposed to make one feel appreciated, and Mitch does love his chocolate. But it's snowing, and my ribs... Surely he'll understand, what with obesity, diabetes and heart disease running rampant, that the absence of candy is the real proof of love. To that end, I hope Mitch helps me celebrate Valentine's Day by bringing me absolutely nothing.