Grab Bag

                                                        Gordon Studer

Thank God Piers Morgan got fired without me having to call for his assassination. I don't care who replaces him, just as long as the person speaks normal English and it's not Keith Olbermann. 

Some guy on Facebook-- a friend of a friend of mine-- keeps insisting that Harold Ramis, the actor who died yesterday, is not dead and that it's all a hoax. There are obituaries for Ramis everywhere you turn. What is wrong with that guy?

In America it's 2014, The Year of the Obese. Why do the Girl Scouts still sell cookies when they could set a good example and do something actually beneficial for society to raise money? Who runs that organization, the Pillsbury Doughboy?

Yesterday I was trying to locate a counselor for a dear friend who is depressed. I called a guy recommended by my own shrink and he said right off the bat that he doesn't see people with serious problems, explaining, "I'm not prepared for that." I responded, "So you just see people who are in a bad mood? " He said, "I see people who want to make some changes, but aren't too unhappy. I can't handle it." I'm thinking one change his patients might consider is finding a better shrink.

If only the weather people would just say it will be cold next week, instead of saying that another polar vortex is coming, I could take less Lorazepam. It sounds so scary, and since we already have so much else to worry about in the world, it's downright rude.

I don't know much, but one thing I know for sure: If you fracture your ribs you will immediately forget all your other problems. After about two weeks you will start to remember them, and also be quite a bit fatter.