In Defense of Yellow Journalism

A new day dawns, bringing with it further developments in the case of CIA chief David Petraeus, the fallen hero currently following Lance Armstrong into obsolescence for his involvement in an extramarital affair. Thickening the plot is yet another FBI agent who, assigned to the case, sent shirtless photos of himself to the other other woman who was receiving harassing emails from Petraeus' alleged mistress, who was the original other woman, if you follow me. Now Shirtless Guy is also under investigation by The Office of Professional Responsibility, the internal-affairs arm of the FBI--and I do mean internal affairs.

Sadly, despite the continued front page coverage and lengthy editorials in several newspapers still in existence, and the constant snooping by Wolf Blitzer and his ilk--not that there's much ilk like Wolf Blitzer- we still know so little! This speaks to the poor quality of reportage that has become the standard in today's typo-ridden, underpaid world of novice journalists. It's so bad, yellow journalism is now just an anemic ecru. For example, I don't really care about who emailed who and when, but I do want to know if they did it doggie style or was it always the missionary position each time. And what sort of panties did Paula wear--were they the sexy kind from Victoria's Secret? In fact, did she even wear underwear? Were masks or handcuffs involved? Come on, admit it--these are the things we all want to know, not whether he was muttering classified information in his post-coital sleep or she was taping it all to hand over to the Libyan radicals. Did she or did she not use birth control, and if so, what kind? Did she have an orgasm every time? What about him--was it good for him? And what about oral sex--yay or nay? I mean, really, if we're gonna get the story, let's get the whole story.