Even Better Than Obamaphones

That Obamaphone Lady looks like she could lose a few pounds...

It's puzzling that so many Americans are so fat, considering the plethora of products out there promising immediate weight loss--and lots of it--without dieting, without exercise, in fact without doing a damn thing but buying the stuff. I ask you: Despite all the war and turmoil and natural disasters dotting the globe, is this a great time to be alive or what? Take the two ads camped out my Facebook page for the last month, both hawking "Dr. Oz's Amazing Diet Tip," yet one promises you will lose 21 pounds in a month and the other, exactly the same in every other way, promises 27. Naturally I clicked on the latter; I'm no fool.

It turned out to be for something called Lichi Fruit (a.k.a. Super Lichi Fruit or Lichi Fruit Extract) that comes in a pill. I learned that Dr. Oz calls it "a miracle in a bottle." It requires no diet or exercise. You just swallow it, sit back and "watch the pounds melt away." (Kind of like Sensa, another oh-so-easy option for weight loss that you just sprinkle on your food. With Sensa, the more you eat, the more you lose. Now that is what I call a miracle, I guess it would be a miracle in a shaker.) There were several quite convincing "before" and "after" photos of beautiful women who took Lichi Fruit and got skinny; Emily from Phoenix lost 137 pounds!

So how come so many people are still so fat? You gotta wonder. The ad does not say what the true costs are, only that you can get a free trial for the minimal price of shipping and handling. I say if it's too expensive for the struggling 99%, maybe Obamacare should cover it; after all, he's buying people birth control and cell phones, why not better health in a bottle?