It's T-Day minus two, and humans are scurrying hither and yon, rushing to get somewhere to eat a lot of dead turkeys and fight with a lot of relatives. The media reports are already starting about difficult travel conditions and crowded roads and fewer flights and long lines everywhere. And what is everyone celebrating? Oh right, I remember now: The white man found a new world and ultimately changed all the peaceful Native Americans from gentle farmers into alcoholic gamblers. Okay, that's harsh, but really, sometimes it becomes obvious that, on the evolutionary scale, humans are surely the lowest. Many of them know it and it bothers them greatly, resulting in these disturbing news stories I read this morning:
1. A 22-year-old man--maybe two--entered a cage at an Idaho zoo and beat a rare monkey to death.
2. Dolphins were found along Alabama's Gulf shore with gunshot wounds and severe mutilations.
3. A Sacramento woman opened her front door on Halloween and found a mutilated cat on her doorstep.
That's enough evidence for me. Head for the hills, bolt the cellar, and by all means, hide your pets. But lest you be too sad, take heart: The ubiquitous and talentless celebrity named Jessica Simpson has lost 60 pounds on Weight Watchers after porking up during pregnancy. At least that.
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