Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Gays, Vampires and Tattoo People

Just in case you are a vampire and were planning to give someone blood for Christmas, there's something you should know. Yesterday the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) lifted its decades-old ban on gay and bisexual men donating blood to their local hospitals or the Red Cross in these times of world crisis when more blood is in demand. "It's about time," you're probably thinking. But wait....

Before you tell all your gay friends, vampires or not, to roll up their sleeves and get to the nearest blood bank, you'd better read the small print: The old policy is being replaced with one "barring donations from men who have had sex with a man in the previous year." So basically, if you are gay or bisexual you can give blood freely only if you are a hideous troll with no sex life. Otherwise, forget it.

Meanwhile, all you straight people can donate blood even if you've slept with every one of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, unless you have a tattoo, which lands you back in the holding cell with the gays and bisexuals. A one-year wait is required if the tattoo was applied in a state that does not regulate tattoo facilities. Currently, these include Georgia, Idaho, Maryland, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Hampshire, New York, Pennsylvania, Utah and Wyoming and the District of Columbia.

Who knew saving lives was so complicated? 

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