12 Lessons from Israel

I've never been much of a traveler. While it's always fun being in a new place, the getting to and from are usually so awful that it's hardly worthwhile. Still, I went on a 2-week trip to Israel and returned home severely jet-lagged, annoyingly constipated and knowing the following things that I didn't know before I went, so I guess we can conclude that travel is indeed enlightening, albeit tough on the body.

1. Tel Aviv is exactly like New York City, so if you like New York you'll like Tel Aviv. If, like me, you don't read or speak Hebrew you will like it a lot less since there are no signs in English. 

2.  I never saw a bagel. Nobody eats them, instead preferring pita bread and croissants, which rival the ones in France.

3. You cannot find a newspaper in Israel. We asked at a convenience store and were told they are only sold at gas stations which are few and far between.

4. In Jerusalem's Old City, an ancient and picturesque maze of shops, food markets and residences, 100% percent of the shopkeepers hawking their wares, and I do mean hawking, are Arabs, not Jews.
 

5. There are feral street cats all over the place! In cities, in the country, on kibbutzes, hanging outside and even inside restaurants, around trash bins, basically everywhere you turn. They are like rats, only they eat the rats so there are no rats, just cats. Certainly an upgrade, but one that tears at the heartstrings if you are a cat lover.

6. The Israelis eat hummus with every meal. It's roughly a thousand times better than the stuff we call hummus here. I was told by a cab driver that if you make your own, start with Bulgarian chickpeas, soak them for 12 hours first, then cook them. Use a lot of tahini!

7. There are many, many ultra-orthodox Jewish families in Jerusalem who all wear funny-looking clothes. Basically, every street looks like a Hollywood backlot of Fiddler on the Roof or maybe Halloween except they don't go trick-or-treating.

8. Israelis are a noisy people. They tend to stay out late -- singing, dining, partying and sometimes wailing prayers at three in the morning. The children stay up late too, shouting, crying and playing games in their yards or on rooftop terraces directly adjacent to your Airbnb apartment. Bring earplugs if you hope to get to sleep before midnight.

9. There are few visible signs of trouble with enemy nations. 

10. Plugging in a heating pad from America will blow a fuse in your apartment. If your back is sore (from the marathon flight to get there), buy a heating pad there.

11. The Dead Sea looks like Coney Island on a holiday weekend, but without any rides or waves.

12. Scores of date palm forests dotting the desolate desert landscape outside of the cities are surrealistically beautiful. (See top photo.)