Laughing Is So Old-fashioned

Sometimes, like when I am confined to my home with a contagious disease, I read my old blog posts just for a laugh. And I've noticed that the older they are, the louder I laugh. Which leads me to conclude that A, I was funnier when I was younger or B, life in general is worse nowadays. (I think both are true.)

Anyway, in order to restore some depleted self-esteem, I will try to write a post that is actually funny right here and now. All I need is a subject. But that's the tough part, since you're hardly allowed to make fun of anyone or anything in today's woke, pronoun-conscious-world. Like you can't mock fat people ("I'm not saying she's big, but her last picture had to be taken by satellite"), dumb people ("He's so slow, it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes"), or anyone with a handicap ("My uncle has a glass eye." "Did he tell you that?" "No, it just came out in conversation").

As I'll sometimes do in such situations, I'll pull a Joe Biden and use someone else's material. Only I say outright that I'm stealing, which is what makes me different from Joe. Anyway, following are some jokes other people made up that might make you smile.

The doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I am 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

Death is just another way of saying, "Yesterday was the last day of your life."

It took a lot of will-power but I finally managed to give up dieting.

When he was born he was so ugly that the doctor slapped his mother.

That beach is so exclusive even the tide can't come in.

Raise your hand if you miss the days when girls were girls, men were men and Joan Rivers got away with murder.