End of A Love Affair

I need new friends so I'm moving to Portugal hoping people are nicer there. I hear they are very nice, and they are definitely not nice here in Maine. If you like lobster that's fine, we've got plenty of it, but that's about it. And lots of water, so if you love kayaking and sailing and boating of any kind, come right along. Hiking is also very big, which is basically walking on difficult terrain for hours to reach the pinnacle of a hill or mountain and take a selfie up there that you can post on Facebook and have people think you're great and hopefully be jealous of you. That's probably the number one sport here in Maine.

Well I'm sick of it. I've been here for 14 years (in March) and surely that's enough time to find at least a couple of people I can relate to. To date I have exactly one friend here who would care if I died, all the rest live far away making it hard to pal around with them or have them gather at my deathbed, should the need arise. As for neighbors, they all stopped talking to me the day I stuck that Susan Collins sign in my lawn.

Also I have had it up to here with all the business names like Mainely Hair and Mainely Custard and Mainely Tubs and Mainely Plumbing & Heating and Mainely Heating Oil and Mainely Seafood Company and Mainely Construction Rentals and Mainely Fitness and Mainely Outdoors and Mainely Murders Bookstore and Mainely SEO and Mainely Grass and Mainely Frames & Gallery and Mainely Brews and Mainely Coffee and Mainely Real Estate and Mainely Vinyl and Mainely Provisions and Mainely Sips and Mainely Burgers. That tells you something about Mainers, doesn't it?