Trashing Kimberly Guilfoyle

Oh my God! If you caught Kimberly Guilfoyle's rant of a speech during last night's Republican Convention on TV, chances are you still have a headache. I know I do. What the heck is wrong with that woman? Is she on some sort of weird medication? Too much caffeine? Is she deaf?

Besides all the screaming, there's her eye makeup to discuss. Does she even have any eyeballs? Her false eyelashes were apparently so heavy they forced her lids closed, so it was hard to tell exactly what was in there. They looked like black, fluffy slits at the top of her face.

The hair: ridiculous. Hey, Lady Godiva -- it's 2020, wake up and smell the scissors. And how about that dress: What is she, a mermaid? Besides, with that caboose I'd have chosen something a bit less form-fitting. In fact, the woman did nothing right. If I were Trump, I'd say, "You're fired!" And if I were Kim I would stay in bed all week, under the covers, and pray for a huge crisis to hit the country so people will forget what a fool I am.