Comparative Religion 101

The 2009 Christmas tree arriving at Rockefeller Center in NYC.

Today I saw a sign in the city hospital where I have begun doing volunteer work that proclaimed "23 Jolly Days Until Christmas!" It did not mention how many days, jolly or otherwise, until Hanukah, or Kwaanza, possibly because the sign-maker didn't know how to spell them. Whatever the reason, they both certainly take a back seat to the big day, what with Santa and decorations and sugar cookies and elves and candy canes and the North Pole. Exactly what do the Jews have to offer--some lamp oil lasted for eight days? What oil? Lasted for what reason? And as for Kwaanza, I've got nothing.

Face it: The Christians have much better PR than anyone else, which is how they struck that deal with Rockefeller Center back in 1933. The Mormons are also doing quite well, still considered the fastest-growing religious cult in America, if not the world. But the Jews are trailing far behind, which is sad because, speaking from experience, it's fun to be a Jew. There are so many books lying around the house, and the food is outstanding, with lots of Chinese take-out on the weekends. As a rule the men are quite affectionate and loving and actually in touch with their feelings, possibly from all that psychotherapy. And of course the lack of football players speaks well for any group; ditto the preponderance of brilliant scientists and creative geniuses.

Still, a lot of people dislike us, which is too bad, although we've got it better than the Muslims. They might as well lay low for awhile since these days the only converts they're getting are lunatics.