Again With Oprah's Favorite Mascara

Sitting in my kitchen at 4:30 in the morning, having been awakened half an hour ago by my 19-year-old Maine Coon who is slowly fading away and wants something I cannot give him, which is his youth and vigor, trying to ignore the throbbing underneath the huge bandage covering my nose as a result of Mohs surgery to remove basal carcinoma cells three days ago, I am confronted with a woman lauding Oprah's favorite mascara on my cell phone. 

I wonder, if I were to buy some would my cat get younger? Would the incision on my nose heal sooner than the 12 weeks I was told to expect? How, exactly, would it benefit me? And if it wouldn't, why do they keep hawking it?

Celebrity endorsements have always mystified me. This one's favorite lasagna recipe, that one's favorite bedroom slippers -- it goes on and on. Does anyone think that using a product with a movie star's name attached will improve their lot in life? And if so, who are those people? How does someone get that way?

My cat, and I say my cat but really he is my son's cat who we took in 16 years ago "for a few months" until he got situated, sits at the door, desperate to go out into the darkness where there might be rabid raccoons, or foxes, or bats, according to the local neighborhood chat page online, but I remain unmoved. I wonder, would Oprah's favorite mascara make him feel better? Maybe I should order some.