Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. Big Deal.

The words "grandmother" and "grandfather" have been abused by scores of lazy news writers who lack a broad vocabulary to elicit sympathy and add drama to their stories. For example, if a 70-year-old woman who has twin infant grandchildren is involved in a car accident, the headline will be something like, "Grandmother of two dies in car accident." Should we feel worse about her demise because of the infant twins left behind? Why -- don't they have parents?

Or maybe it's, "Grandfather killed  in subway attack." It turns out that a 60-year-old marathoner in great physical shape whose child had given birth to a child years earlier was the victim of a crime. Is his death worse than someone the same age who A, had no children or B, whose own children are childless?

Recently I befriended a waitress at a restaurant we frequent. I guessed her age to be about 35 and started thinking hmmmm ..... maybe she would like my son. (He has a girlfriend but it's rocky.) I mustered up the courage to ask if she was married or had any children to see if a match was possible. To my shock and amazement -- and shock, did I mention shock? -- she said she is 48, married with two kids and the proud grandmother of an 8-month-old. She became a grandma at 47. I'm not even a grandma and I'm 78!  

News flash: Grandparents are not always old, not always frail even when they are old, and not always deserving of our pity even when they are frail and old. Lots of grannies and gramps are mean sons-of-bitches just like anyone else. So let's stop lionizing grandparents regardless of their character. Older people without grandchildren are often even nicer. In fact, in the famous Christmas song written in 1979 by Randy Brooks, Grannie was an alcoholic. (See lyrics below.) And even though she died, Grandpa doesn't let that ruin his Christmas. (The cad!) 

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack,
There were hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.

Now we're all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.

It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?