Damn that Donald Trump! He is responsible for everything bad! I blame him for the following:
1. I have put on about five pounds in the last few weeks because I am so stressed over the fact that Trump was almost assassinated, causing me to lose faith in the Secret Service and our government and eat a lot of cookies and ice cream. Dammit, Donald!
2. I wake up with a bad headache most mornings after a fitful night's sleep because of Trump being so much better than Kamala Harris, and yet the Democrats keep pushing all those lies about him like he's Hitler, which of course has no basis in reality but still they say it. Dammit, Donald!
3. I have an appointment with my dermatologist today that I don't want to keep but I have to because Donald Trump might lose the election and it's causing me to have an allergic skin reaction from an unknown source, which is likely the lies spread by Anderson Cooper and those horrible women on "The View." Dammit, Donald!
4. My cat has to have three, yes three, teeth pulled, and it's all Trump's fault since I've spent so much time watching the TV news that I've neglected to brush Lurch's teeth. Dammit, Donald!
5. I made some applesauce this morning and I was so distracted hearing Kamala's latest bashing of Trump that I left some of the skin on the apples when I was peeling them. Dammit, Donald!
Jesus, can this man ever be stopped? His evil nature is infecting everything!
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