12 Takeaways from the Democratic Debate

A non-meat eating ticket of Booker & Gabbard would get the animal vote.

I just read several lengthy, self-important articles by journalists discussing their "takeaways" from last night's Democratic debate. One was entitled "Seven Takeaways from the Democratic Debate," while another was entitled "Six Takeaways from the Democratic Debate" and yet another was called "Five Takeaways from Last Night's Debate." Jeez, couldn't they come up with anything more imaginative? Anyway, they were all quite serious and echoed one another, but none pointed out the things that everyone watching was thinking. (So I will.)

 Joe Biden: Nice teeth, although they look so completely fake. Not sure if they are dentures or veneers, but they don't look like he's been using them for almost 80 years.

Kamala Harris: Possibly undergoing transition surgery, she looks more mannish every time I see her. Also, she needs more of a platform than "Trump sucks" and "I Heart Abortion," although she won't say the A-word,  instead calling it "women's reproductive health rights." (Really, what's so healthy about having an abortion?)

Amy Klobuchar: Annoying lisp. Could we listen to that for four years? Oh well, we won't have to.

Elizabeth Warren: The Schoolmarm. I do hope she gets elected, though, just to see what she wears to the Inauguration and the Inaugural Ball. That same uniform? Does she ever wash those black pants and that black shirt she wears every day?

Bernie Sanders: An angry old man sending soup back in a deli.

Julian Castro: Should go into modeling instead, where he can just look handsome and not speak.

Beto O'Rourke: He seems to have forgotten that he lost his last election bid for Texas congressman and is currently unemployed. Very tall, says nothing of value, looks like the love child of Bobby Kennedy and The Wicked Witch of the West.

Mayor Pete: That's what everyone calls him and that's what he will remain, mostly because so few people can pronounce his last name. Earnest but too young.

Andrew Yang: Such a round face!

Tulsi Gabbard: So smart, reasoned, and attractive, plus she's a vegetarian. She should be the candidate!

Cory Booker: A vegan Barack Obama, he was the only one who recognizes we are all in this together. No partisan jabs at Republicans and totally respectful to his competition. Seems like he could pull ahead of the others and maybe even beat Trump!

The Billionaire: Who?