Something Worse Than Trump

Porky enjoying a refreshing beverage.....

Right now Donald Trump is not my biggest problem. He's not the one waddling around my wooded two acres of heaven, breaking off branches, eating the leaves and stripping the bark off trees to the point of murdering them. He doesn't shuffle onto our deck to drink from my cat's water bowl, just a foot away from our kitchen door. He's also not freaking out my cat, who unlike the neighborhood dogs knows nothing good can come from a confrontation with a wild creature covered with sharp quills.

 No, all of that is being done by a porcupine who has recently taken up residence on our land and in my mind, making the last week a Living Hell/Pain in the Ass, whereas Trump's behavior has not impacted me negatively, at least not yet, despite the dire warnings that he is another Hitler. When he starts rounding up Jews in the streets I'll stop worrying about the porcupine, but until then Trump is on the back burner and Porky, as my husband has taken to calling him, is front and center.

... before heading for a nap in the woods.

My options are few. I could rent a Havahart Live Capture cage for eight bucks a day and lay a trap, then drive at least 20 miles away -- apparently they find their way back --  and release him in a wooded area far from civilization. That seems like a major drag and potentially painful, quillwise. Or I could accept my son's offer to kill him with a bow and arrow and eat him. "Yum," Zack said, having heard that they are tasty. I say that's cruel and unusual punishment; Zack says that's the way the world works. I say that's the way the world works if you're in the Donner Party and it's the porcupine or your best friend.

Lastly, I could put out some sort of repellent or poison, but where would I put it? He seems to appear all over our yard at random times during the day, apparently unaware that porcupines are nocturnal creatures.

What I wish I could do is impeach him. Just kick his ass out of here! That's about the only way he's like Donald Trump.