Like many otherwise normal businessmen, my husband is very attached to his cell phone. He looks at if first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I find this bizarre. But tonight things took a turn for the worse as, for some reason, he became obsessed with Siri, the virtual assistant who lives inside his phone (and everyone else's iPhone). Mitch, feeling impish, possibly from too much Haut-Medoc at dinner, decided to pester Siri. It went like this:
Siri, what are you wearing?
In the cloud we don't wear clothes.
What will you do to me when I'm naughty?
I don't have an answer for that.
Siri, from now on I'd like you to call me Dr. Hightower.
Okay.
Siri, what's my name?
Your name is Mitch, but since we are friends I can call you Dr. Hightower.
Siri, how old are you?
I am as old as the eastern wind and as young as a newborn caterpillar.
Do you have big breasts?
I am an AI voice.
Are you pretty?
I don't really think about that. I'm not one to mirror-gaze.
There were more questions of a sexual nature and not suitable for printing here, trust me. I started worrying that Siri would lodge a complaint and convinced Mitch to stop before the Thought Police came pounding on our front door. I suppose I should feel better than a friend of mine, whose brilliant 34-year-old son asked Siri to call him, "Captain Big Dong Dick, Yeah Daddy."
In conclusion, there is a lot of time being wasted on technological devices by otherwise intelligent people. This is exactly how the human race will be conquered by extraterrestrials.
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