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| Supposedly they don't feel a thing. (The people, not the fish.) |
It's been three years since I wrote one of these, but since I've had requests for another, here it is: something to do that is nothing at all. You see these things all over the Internet and they seem to be very popular, so I assume many people out there have time to spare, despite how every fucking magazine article starts with, "In today's busy world, it's hard to find some time for ourselves."
I say this is incorrect, since I personally know many people who sit around doing nothing all day, unless drinking counts. If you're one of those with some time on your hands, take my quiz and find out, "If You Were A Tree, What Would Be Your Favorite Ice Cream Flavor?"
1. It's raining cats and dogs and today is your daughter's outdoor wedding. To make sure it's not a total disaster, you:
A. Call it off -- you hate that guy she's marrying anyway.
B. Hurry to the nearest Reny's and buy 150 one-size-fits-all ponchos.
C. Stay in bed, turn off your phone and let someone else deal with it.
2. You wake up one morning completely covered with Skittle-sized red dots. They don't itch but you think you should tell someone. You call:
A. Your doctor
B. The local newspaper
C. The police
3. There's a giant black bear in your backyard and he's lumbering straight towards your house. The first thing you should do is:
A. Look up recipes for bear meat
B. Grab the cat and get the heck out of there
C. Invite your hateful next-door neighbor over for coffee on the back porch
4. You forgot your spouse's birthday and it was a big one! To make up for it, you:
A. Buy a big house where you both can live
B. Promise to never complain about anything for a whole year
C. Eat crow
5. Your best friend lets you down, for the last time. To get over it, you:
A. Cry wolf
B. Learn to play the piano, since living well is the best revenge
C. Go shoe-shopping
6. It's the weekend and you have no plans. To spice up your life, you:
A. Move all the furniture in your house from one room to another
B. Order pizza from six different places and compare crusts
C. Adopt a pet snake
7. Your idea of a good family vacation with the kids is:
A. Wine-tasting in the Napa Valley
B. Fishing in Lake Michigan
C. Skeet-shooting in Alabama
SCORING: Give yourself 3 points for each correct answer.
0-2: Pine tree, vanilla
3-7: Elm tree, chocolate-chocolate chip
8-12: Linden tree, salted caramel
13 and above: Lemon tree, raspberry sorbet
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