Always Keep the Whip Handy

Despite the fact that I appear to share a lot of personal facts in this space, I actually never divulge anything of serious import to anyone besides my current shrink, and depending on the shrink, not even then. So it is with shock and horror every day of my life that I read the confessions of celebrities spread open wide on all media platforms. I can't help wondering what causes anyone to forgo all sense of pride and reveal incredibly personal details of their lives to the salivating masses.

For example, the singer named Rihanna, who I could not pick out of a lineup unless it was five white women and her since I know she is African American, told the following, and other things just like it, to news outlets including trashy websites and mainstream magazines: “I like to be spanked. Being tied up is fun. I like to keep it spontaneous. Sometimes whips and chains can be overly planned — you gotta stop, get the whip from the drawer downstairs. I’d rather have him use his hands.”

What a dunce! If I could meet Rihanna I would suggest she keep the whip in a drawer right there in the bedroom, or even under the bed like friends of mine did years ago back in Washington, D.C. (I discovered it when I stayed in their apartment for two weeks while they were away on their honeymoon.) Now that was smart!