Taking Out the Trash

I have written about this subject before in a lighthearted way, but it's not really all that funny. Each one of us has a war going on inside us, that age-old battle of Good vs. Evil. Take a look around and it's easy to spot who's winning among the general population. Certainly not Good, or else why would there be so many morbidly obese people causing themselves dangerous health issues, so many drug addicts and alcoholics living perilously close to death, and so many outright suicides? (A study in October 2014 found the rate of suicide to be the highest in more than 25 years, with 12.6 suicide deaths per 100,000 Americans.)

At an impressionable moment in my life I saw the 1957 film, "The Three Faces of Eve," starring the wondrous Joanne Woodward playing a woman with multiple personality disorder. I could relate, and I was only eleven. Since then I have rationalized my own situation as a result of being born a Gemini, with two quite distinct personalities. In a certain light it's amusing, with one of me wanting this and the other one wanting that at the same time, all the time. Decisions must be made, and besides being amusing it can be exhausting. The time for action has come. One of them has to go, and the Good one has decided that today's the day.

I have decided to keep the one who writes this blog, cleans the house, eats oatmeal for breakfast, exercises regularly, meditates daily and is able to keep her dark thoughts to herself. The one who's got to go is that nutcase who buys random handbags off the Internet, brings home Tate's chocolate-chip cookies ostensibly for "drop-in visitors" and then eats them herself, pisses off her son with unsolicited advice and has sky-high blood pressure.

Why not join me in an endeavor to be your best self? If each of us chose to feed only our inner angel things would be a lot better for everyone, except maybe the Tate cookie company, which would see a huge drop in sales. In fact, before you completely eradicate your naughty side, you might want to try one. Or four or five. Also available in Chocolate Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal Raisin, Molasses, Macadamia, and Gluten Free, they are sold in the finest stores everywhere and can be ordered online. Just Google "Tate's Cookies."

(The bad one wrote that last bit about the cookies; I haven't offed her yet.)