I Can See Canada from My House

This seems like the right time to ask: What do people really want in a president? In a leader? In fact, why do we even want a leader? And why do the ones in the race want to be it? It's a mystery.

As for me, as long as I don't have to get up every day and put on fancy clothes and makeup and meet with Putin and have lunch with the Prime Minister of Uganda or wherever, then shake hands with strangers at state fairs and possibly come down with that hoof-and-mouth flu that is going around these days, I'm happy. I'd rather sleep in, go for my morning walk, play a few games online and work on my new novel and to heck with health care and our crumbling infrastructure.

So who are these crazy egomaniacs who actually seek public office, who want to be the ones telling everyone else what to do? Take a look at who's running and it's easy to see they are all lacking something fundamental: humility. That's a pretty big flaw they all share. That very fact makes me lose all interest in the whole lot of them. In fact, I may sell my vote to an illegal alien, or maybe just trade it for some food stamps.

So let all of the candidates run around eating pork on a stick and kissing babies, it matters not to me. It's all happening down in the lower 47, and since I live way up here in Maine quite close to another country, if things get too crazy I will simply jump the border and forget all of this "Hillary's a liar, Trump's a buffoon" business and learn to love poutine.