Why I Shop at Bean's

There is simply nothing cuter than a puppy. I want one all the time. I see the pictures and I ache to hold one, burying my nose in its soft, mushy tummy and smelling its puppy smell. But the thing is, they don't stay puppies and soon enough they are not cute at all. Okay, they are still cute sometimes, but not enough to put up with the times they're sick and have to wear one of those cones around their necks, that is so depressing. And not enough to make up for needing to find someone to watch them whenever you want to go and live your life somewhere else for a few days. No, not enough. So I don't have a puppy, or a dog, anymore, which is a shame, because there aren't that many things to have or do in the world that are anywhere near as adorable.

There's travel, which is okay if you can stand flying and road food and hotels and always talking to people you will only know for a short time. And look, there it is: the Taj Mahal or the Grand Canyon or the Eiffel Tower, and they look just like they look in all the pictures you've seen your whole life, except you are right there--along with the pulsating throngs of other people, all with cameras, snapping pictures, which is so dumb because as I said, they look just like they look in all the pictures. (There are already a lot of pictures of everything.)

My husband went off to New York this morning and he wanted me to go with him. I thought of flying--going through the nude bar at security and then getting strapped into a tiny seat, finally with any luck landing at LaGuardia and taking a crazy cab ride with one of those terrorist drivers speaking Arabic into their cell phones, always with the Arabic, on the LIE into the ancient Midtown Tunnel, then coming out into the traffic and the noise and the steamy grates and the hot dog vendors, and I just couldn't do it. So here I am in Maine, with little to do but at least no pulsating throngs, wanting a puppy. It's times like this I go to L. L. Bean's. They're always open, and even if most of the merchandise is made in Cambodian sweatshops, all in all it's a pretty cheery place.