Whoever Said Eating Has to Be Fun?

Illustration by Gordon Studer

Today marks the start of my third week on The Whole30 program, wherein I can eat anything I want unless it tastes really good. Thus far I have lost a total of four (4) pounds.

As promised, I feel healthier and certainly more virtuous. I am also sleeping better, except for those nightly dreams where I am being chased by Disneyesque versions of chocolate chip cookies, chocolate drops, ice cream cones, tubs of gelato, pretzel logs, pasta of all types and sizes, pizzas, containers of Parmesan cheese, entire Key Lime pies and cheesecakes, chunks of blue cheese, platoons of donuts, ears of corn, armies of French fries, bottles of wine, cups of Greek yogurt, cartons of cottage cheese, quarts of milk, skewers of roasted marshmallows, individual cupcakes, whole salamis and the occasional croissant and/or stray bagel.

I also have a lot more time to do things, since eating does take time. Imagine how productive we could all be if food came in a pill.