How much of my life is your business? Here in the tiny, sleepy, rural hamlet of South Freeport, apparently a lot.
Each morning, motivation permitting, I suit up and go for a walk, since my hip won't run anymore. I could get a new one, but then that one wouldn't let me run either, and it seems pointless to set off all those airport security alarms if I can't even up my exercise. Anyway, it is now officially Bug Season, and being allergic to insect bites of all kinds, I am naturally wary. One little mosquito bite can become a big problem that dominates my life for two weeks. I have been to emergency rooms, allergists, blah, blah, blah--trust me, it's bad. So I wear a hat that snugly covers my head, wrap a scarf around my neck, don long sleeves and long pants and usually several of my anti-mosquito wristbands and head out. I have been doing this for the last four years around these parts, but my attire in summer still raises more eyebrows than if I were stark naked.
Today a very old man who looked to be 110 was standing on the road, possibly awaiting Death. As I came along, he wasted no time in saying, with a laugh, "Why are you wearing so many clothes? You must be sweating in this heat." I waved. And just yesterday, in the post office, a helpful neighbor pointed out, "You really don't need a hat today, it's not cold at all."
Busybodies of all genders, ages, colors, creeds and religions unabashedly come forward to ask why I am wearing what I am am wearing. In each case, I fight off the urge to say:
1. I just had a tracheotomy and have to keep dirt out of the hole in my neck.
2. I am actually from the planet Hydrox and am allergic to your Sun.
3. My body is covered with hideous sores which are highly contagious.
4. I have severe alopecia and have not a hair on my head.
5. I'm fat and embarrassed for people to see my cellulite.
6. I'm a lunatic.
I don't say any of those things. Instead I usually tell the truth, opening myself up to countless homemade remedies or downright disbelief. The best response I ever got was one lady who said, "I never heard of such a thing. Are you sure?"
Each morning, motivation permitting, I suit up and go for a walk, since my hip won't run anymore. I could get a new one, but then that one wouldn't let me run either, and it seems pointless to set off all those airport security alarms if I can't even up my exercise. Anyway, it is now officially Bug Season, and being allergic to insect bites of all kinds, I am naturally wary. One little mosquito bite can become a big problem that dominates my life for two weeks. I have been to emergency rooms, allergists, blah, blah, blah--trust me, it's bad. So I wear a hat that snugly covers my head, wrap a scarf around my neck, don long sleeves and long pants and usually several of my anti-mosquito wristbands and head out. I have been doing this for the last four years around these parts, but my attire in summer still raises more eyebrows than if I were stark naked.
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| These really work! |
Busybodies of all genders, ages, colors, creeds and religions unabashedly come forward to ask why I am wearing what I am am wearing. In each case, I fight off the urge to say:
1. I just had a tracheotomy and have to keep dirt out of the hole in my neck.
2. I am actually from the planet Hydrox and am allergic to your Sun.
3. My body is covered with hideous sores which are highly contagious.
4. I have severe alopecia and have not a hair on my head.
5. I'm fat and embarrassed for people to see my cellulite.
6. I'm a lunatic.
I don't say any of those things. Instead I usually tell the truth, opening myself up to countless homemade remedies or downright disbelief. The best response I ever got was one lady who said, "I never heard of such a thing. Are you sure?"
hahahahahhahahaa
ReplyDeleteeach of your possible answers was better than the one before!
Also loved the guy's possible activity while he was standing in the road :-)
PS typo alert in line 4: you have "sit" instead of "it"
M
i wonder if they question everyone about attire. I mean, there are plenty of folks wearing all-too revealing outfits, and mis-fitting outfits, not to mention the tattoos.....Do you think THOSE people are getting comments such as you got?
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