Whose Golden Globes?

Now those are some globes worth talking about.

The very first bit of news that assaulted me today was the "fact" that gay actress Jodie Foster "came out" last night at the Golden Globes awards ceremony during her acceptance speech for some award that was not related to a performance, like Nicest Person or Miss Congeniality, or possibly Prettiest Lesbian. Her "news" is a big deal on the Internet today. I have two things to say this about that: Yawn, and really? With millions of people listening, that's what you want to say about yourself, that you have sex with women?

Gays take their sexuality far too seriuously. While I have some very close friends who are thankfully exceptions to the rule, for too many gays, their sexuality is all they think about, talk about---blah, blah, bloody blah. I say, get married, do it with guys, whatever, but please don't tell me all about it. I for one am heterosexual. I have never had sex with a woman. Or a dog, or any other species for that matter, but I really don't need to talk about it. So Jodie, why at the age of 50--she looks better than ever--are you telling the world you like girls better than boys? Besides, after that whole "Hinckley shooting Reagan because of Jodie Foster" thing, it's completely understandable.

I'd like to make my own trivial true confession right here and now: I don't really know what the Golden Globes are, unless we are talking Dolly Parton. (See photo.) For a long while I thought it was a nickname for the Oscars, but turns out thy are not the Oscars, another awards show I don't watch but at least understand. (Okay, so I turn it on near the end to see who got Best Picture, but that's it.) As for those Globes: who gives them out, and are they actually made of gold? I know they are not the Emmys, which are related to TV shows, or the Tonys for Broadway, or the Kennedy Center Life Achievement Awards or the Country Music Awards or the MTV Awards or the Grammys or the American Music Awards or the People's Choice Awards. Jeez, those performing artists sure are a self-congratulatory bunch, and about such silliness. Where are all the Brain Surgeon Awards and the Cancer Research Awards and the Feeding Hungry Children Awards? I would watch those for sure.