I'm Dull and Boring

There is only one Mick Jagger.

How does one get crazier thoughts, I wonder. Maybe I should eat more blue cheese, which allegedly gives you wild dreams when you have some before going to bed. (I have tested this out and it works. Google it.) The reason I ask is this: Britain's leading artist is a man named Damien Hirst. He is said to be the richest artist alive now. The theme of his work is Death. Back in the 1990s, New York public health officials banned his piece entitled Two Fucking and Two Watching, featuring a rotting cow and bull, because of fears of "vomiting among the visitors." He also has created art featuring real sharks and cows floating in huge tanks of water.

Okay, so I guess I am not an artist. I thought I was but since Damien is one, and the most successful one at that, I can't be. This is a depressing thought, and one that makes me want to either toss all my art supplies and turn that studio into a home office or start being really crazy on canvas. The thing is, even my wildest and craziest thoughts and impulses are pretty mundane, and certainly not shocking. I can't even imagine anything shocking. My brain doesn't go there. Even my fantasies are dull. I have never forgotten when, many years ago, my friend Bill (that's you WTC) asked me to describe one of my fantasies. I said I imagined having sex with Mick Jagger. He fairly screamed at me: "It's a fantasy! Why not imagine having sex with two Mick Jaggers?"

See what I mean?