Finally, a diet that works!
You've tried other diets but to no avail. You've all but given up, resigning yourself to getting fatter and fatter until they'll have to bury you in a piano box. But stop--now there's hope! This one simple trick can help you get the body of your dreams. Follow these steps and lose all the weight you want, for free!
1. Prepare all your favorite foods, including pastas in rich sauce, prime ribs, potatoes au gratin, fried onion rings, or whatever you like. Desserts can be sinfully rich, including cakes, pies, or even Baked Alaska!
2. Serve yourself three meals a day--or thirty if your budget allows.
3. Just before you eat, allowing the tantalizing aromas to waft through the room and enliven your senses, place a large piece of duct tape over your mouth. Carefully scrape all foods into the garbage disposal, making sure to remove any bones or pits in advance. Grind 30 seconds.
4. Remove tape, drink two 12-ounce glasses of water and do all the dishes.
Comes in black, gold or silver to compliment any outfit!
Works every time!
Surprised you weren't upset by the waste of food and all the starving children in the world.
ReplyDeleteGL
I think your obsession with weight and the weight of others may be somewhat over the top - isn't there something more important than this phobia with weight you have?
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous:
DeleteDo you live on this planet? Did you just arrive here yesterday? The entire country is OBSESSED with weight, in case you have not noticed. Every ad, every magazine cover, every commercial, every fucking minute-- all you see is new products for weight loss, new diets for weight loss, new diet books, new diet tricks. America is dying from obesity! The First Lady is on a tear about it! Diabetes, heart disease---duh.
That said, I do personally have a weight problem, which is a lifelong and healthy fear of ever being fat, which I have explained in detail--however I have not written about this in quite some time. I do write about other things that are more important, and if you want to know what they are, just read my blog: Death, politics, starving children, celebrities, rich vs. poor, old age, Democrats vs. Republicans, Obama sucks, blah, blah, blah.
I bet you are fat!
i think the facts are that
ReplyDelete1) you have been very honest about your perhaps neurotic obsession with obesity
2) obesity actually is a really big problem
3) all told you only write about fatness once a month or so, so it isn't that much in the end
3) you can do whatever you want here. The joy of blogdom!
xoxoxoxo
and who are you to comment, ms. anonymous? or mr. anonymous? can't you get a google account and use it?
ReplyDelete