Only God Can Make a Chicken

My old friend Bill, a man who has raised the art of curmudgeonry to the college level, occasionally faults me for complaining too much in this space. While I agree, and in fact wish it were otherwise, there is simply so much to complain about these days, it's almost beyond my control. And that's why everyone else is always complaining about everything too...it's certainly not just me. (See opening sentence.) Everywhere you look--except maybe in obscure countries we don't hear much about--there are fresh examples of dumb decisions that were made by misguided people. I would be remiss to not point them out.

Here's one now: Despite the dire obesity epidemic that has FLOTUS doing push-ups on The Ellen Show and Manhattan's Mayor Bloomberg outlawing the sale of large, sugary beverages, and tubby 10-year-olds suffering from diabetes and clogged arteries, several national fast-food chains have devised an exciting new concept to further fatten up the masses: Fried chicken cut into pieces and shaped like chips, the better to dip into gooey, creamy, calorie-laden sauces. Who among us knew that ordinary chicken was so dull? Dick Lynch, the global chief brand officer for Popeye's, for one.  According to the Wall Street Journal, Dick has long felt that "chicken doesn't have a lot of flavor itself, but is a great flavor carrier." Apparently most people prefer chicken pieces that have been formed into irregular shapes rather than uniform shapes because they seem so much more natural that way. One satisfied Popeye's customer greeted the new dipping chicken with open arms-- or rather, hands--saying, "I'm always looking for something new to dip."

I wonder what Mayor Bloomberg thinks about this. And my friend Bill.