God Help Us

A few questions to ponder: What's the deal with organized religion? Who could possibly believe that anyone has a direct line to God? What would propel anyone to give money to a regular human being, hoping he could pull the strings necessary to get them into Heaven? Who believes in Heaven? How come religion is such big business? How does it cause such destruction? What kind of lowly worm takes advantage of ignorant fools who are desperately searching for meaning in their lives? Why does the Pope wear that funny hat?

This tirade was sparked by a snippet of an interview I caught on TV a few nights ago. Oprah Winfrey, now in her "second life" and obviously no longer fussing with weight loss issues--she's fat again--interviewed pastor Joel Osteen and his bleached-blond wife, Tammy Faye. No, wait, that's not her name, but you get the point. Osteen is now one of the world's richest men, with an estimated personal worth of 40 million dollars. He lives in a 12.5 million dollar home with his slutty-looking wife Barbie. Wait, that's not her name either, but you get the point again. 

Osteen made his money as a preacher. The pathetic members of his flock, all 30,000 of them, attend weekly Sunday services at his 16,000-seat Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas, and I guess they give him lots of money since he has so much of it and that's his only job. They also buy his books, with titles like "Becoming a Better You" and "Your Best Life Now," and audio sermons and who knows what else, all in the name of G-O-D. The whole thing makes me want to vomit, and believe me I hate vomiting more than almost anything, except maybe Joel Osteen and his tarty wife, what's-her-name. Recently Osteen was asked if he ever feels guilty for his wealth. He replied, "I don't ever feel guilty because it comes from – it's God's blessings on my life. And for me to apologize for God's – how God has blessed you, it's almost an insult to our God."

Psssst--quick, give me a hundred bucks and I'll tell you how to become a better you. Really, my plan works, even for atheists.