Stop and Smell the Roses

Is it wrong to not like roses? Is it un-American? Well, right or wrong, I simply do not like them, never have. This is something not many people know about me, in fact maybe the only person who does know is my husband of 25 years. In fact, today is our 25th wedding anniversary. This morning he went out on an errand and arrived home with a bouquet of flowers, which he handed to me with the explanation, "I know you don't like roses but I thought these were festive." Red roses. (Not really red, more like pink with a red outline, the kind that do not grow in nature but in supermarket cold lockers.) Thanks honey, I appreciate you getting me something you know with certainty I will not like. So, should I have pretended to like the flowers? I did not, and then he was mad at me for not liking his gift. I am a terrible person. I should lie more. I am going to work on that.

But the thing is, I hate phony flowers. Many years ago a boyfriend appeared at my door with a bunch of daisies that had been spray painted blue. Some of the blue paint was on the stem. They were hideous. I told him to throw them away. A few days later, he told me that his shrink told him to break up with me, that I was crazy because who doesn't like flowers, only a crazy person. I do like flowers, but only the kind that grow naturally. And roses have thorns, which actually do hurt you, and that's just bizarre. Anyway, he was married.